Thank you sir!
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The high school coaches in Chicago, Illinois went to a coaches' retreat. To save money they had to room together. No one wanted to room with Coach Daryl though, because he snored so bad.
They decide it's not fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they vote to take turns.
The first coach sleeps with Daryl and comes down to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess, and eyes all bloodshot.
The other coaches say, "Man, what happened to you?"
He said, "Geez, that Daryl snored so loud, I watched him all night."
The next night it was a different coach's turn. In the morning, same thing -- hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot....
They all say, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!"
He says, "Gads, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night long!"
The third night was Frank's turn. Frank was a big burly ex-football player-looking type of a man's man. Next morning, he comes down to
breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed.
"Good morning everyone!"
They can't believe it! They say, "Hey! What happened?"
He said, "Well, Daryl and I got ourselves ready for bed. Then I went over and tucked Daryl into his bed and kissed him good night.
Heh heh heh. . . .he watched me all night long."
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The Wednesday night bible study coincided with the last day of hunting season.
The pastor asked who had bagged a deer.
No one raised a hand.
Puzzled, the pastor says,
"I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer."
One hunter groaned,
"Yeah...well, it worked. They're all safe."
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A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman", and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch" ,he said. "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed, and told her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?" He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately." A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
You're finished already?" the husband asked.
"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed it to her.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus.
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I just received this from my stock broker.
Do you hold any of following stocks?
Dear Sir:
We have been informed that you hold shares in the following companies:
American Can Co
Interstate Water Co.
National Gas Co.
Northern Tissue Co.
Due to the uncertain market conditions, at this present time, we advise you to sit tight on your American Can, hold your Water, and let go of your Gas. You may be interested to know that Northern Tissue touched a new bottom today, and millions were wiped clean. Yours truly, Blood,
Sweat & Tears, Inc.
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One of my friends was dating a blonde girl that wasn't too bright to say the least. Often she would come up with the most stupid comments that at first got us all laughing, but after a while also became a bit annoying to some. One day we were sitting in a pool hall talking. The blonde participated in the discussion, and when she came up with an even for unusually stupid comment one of my friends couldn't take it anymore. So he said to her "You must have vacuum in your head". This upset her. She looked at him for a couple of seconds and replied, "At least it's better than nothing".
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