An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for Bill and Hillary, both church members, to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit, one on each side of his bed. The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.

For a time, no one said anything. Both Bill and Hillary were touched and flattered that the preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moments. They were also puzzled; the preacher had never given them any indication that he particularly liked either of them.

They both remembered his many long, uncomfortable sermons about greed, covetousness and avaricious behavior that made them squirm in their seats.

Finally, Bill said, "Preacher, why did you ask us to come?" The old preacher mustered up his strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves .. and that's how I want to go."




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A man walks into a crowded restaurant, after a long days work. The host stops him after he enters and tells him that he cannot be seated without a tie.

The man protest, telling the host that he does not have a tie.

The host tells him that he is sorry but he will not be able to seat him.

Tired and hungry, the man goes out the door and informs the host that he will be right back. Outside the man searches frantically for a tie or anything that resembles a tie in his car. He searches the trunk and finds a set of jumper cables. He quickly ties them around his neck and enters the restaurant once again.

He looks at the host and ask, "Will this do?".

The host replies, "I guess so...just don't start
anything while you are here."