I just found these, I needed a laugh, so I thought I'd share with you guys:
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For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, potty chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.

Dinner Specials: Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Great Dames for sale.

Swim in our lovely pool while you drink it all in.

Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

3-year-old teacher needed for preschool. Experience preferred.

Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.

Mother's helper, peasant working conditions.

We will oil your sewing machine and djust tension in your home for $5.00.

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Signs
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On a ski lift in Taos, NM: "No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted."

Near an entrance: "Door Alarmed." Handprinted near it: "Window frightened."

Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus: "Caution: Road Slippery from Grapejuice."

Ad seen near Johannesburg International Airport for a BMW convertible, showing the car with the roof and windows down. "Our hardware runs better without WINDOWS!"

Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen restaurant:
"Restrooms Right" and below it: "Please wait for hostess to seat you."

Seen in a health food store: "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic carrot."

At a parking lot: "Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."

Smoking doesn't kill people; People who are trying to quit smoking kill people