"Official Mom Restraining Order"
1. When at mall, Mom will remain no fewer than ten feet
from teen at all times.
2. When at movie theater, Mom will not sit closer than
four seats in any direction from teen.
3. Mom will not emerge from house nor appear at window
when school bus is arriving.
4. If Mom accompanies teen and friend(s) to restaurant, Mom must sit at
5. On the off-chance that Mom is in the school building at the same time
as teen, she must not IN ANY WAY acknowledge existence of teen.
Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?
My son arrived back in the States after fighting with the First Marine Division in Iraq, but I still couldn't help reacting like a mom when I saw him running over to some buddies to return a bayonet. "Kevin," I shouted across the base before could stop myself, "don't run with that knife in your hands!"
My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the playroom and straighten it up. We had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess. As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?"
I was casting kids in our church for our annual Christmas play, and I was giving out choices, such as Shepherd, Lamb, Villager. One 5-year-old couldn't decide, so I said, "Luke, you can be a Villager." He said, "OK," and ran over to his parents. Very excited, he said to them, "Guess what! I get to be a mini-van!"
My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that."
The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, but what was that you were saying?"