I learned at a very young age "it is not what you know in school, but how many people you can make think you are cool that counts!" My days consisted of practical jokes, sports, and the occasional strategic "note pass" during class to tell what's-her-name that she was the true love of my life. I was diagnosed as Dyslexic at a very young age. It wasn't extremely severe, but it was (and still is) bad enough that it was a constant challenge between seeing and comprehending what I read. I guess my defense mechanism was to push everything else to the extreme. You know “diversionary tactics 101”.

College came and the same routine still held true. But, eventually this need for acceptance grew into an addiction worse than any drug out there. I realized that I operated better with more things going on than I did when I only had one "iron in the fire." It wasn't just the activities it was the energy of being around people and helping them. It was my way of "flexing my brain." You see, if you are part of a bunch of things, no one thinks it’s odd when you can't remember the details of a few points here and there.

I would pour 110% into everyone I would meet and if they gave me back only 75% (which might be normal) I thought I must have been doing something wrong. I was going to school full time, president of my fraternity, working two jobs part time, and still made time to keep my "COOL STATUS" with the ladies. But what I didn't realize is that if you put enough irons in the fire it can put it out. 

As I began working harder and harder, I felt myself slipping further and further behind schedule. Many nights I stayed up until 3 or 4 in the morning doing what I had to have done for school because tomorrow my job came first. I couldn't walk away and say, "This is just school, or this is just my work.' I was my work and I was my school.'…"

The other parts of my life began to evaporate. I made my life into one big to-do-list. I practically stopped seeing my friends, and when I did see them, I felt lonely because I couldn't really connect. I began to find release in drinking more. I frequented the clubs every night that I had no homework to do. And even some nights that I did…"just to take the edge off." Or "let off some steam."

My self-worth became going back and forth between schoolteachers, parents, my brother, my friends, work, co-workers…everyone I could find, trying in vain to make them happy. My parents constantly wondered when I was going to finish school and get that perfect job. My job wanting me to "perform better and better" and not "buck the system or rock the boat" on issues I didn't agree with within the company. I never had enough time for my friends who each wanted me at their "thing" that night or on this weekend. Birthday parties and weddings became a hassle instead of a joyous occasion, and Holidays….oh Holidays…turned into a race between houses and time that I made into its own art form. I lost sight of what was truly important and worst of all I couldn't relate to anything or anyone on a truly personal level because I felt like I had lost myself, or given myself away. I was slowly fading.

It was as if I had some kind of "yuppie flu." A phrase meant to explain running out of gas in the fast lane. I was burned out and going down in flames. I had hit emotional exhaustion. I had a feeling of being overextended and depleted because I had given so much and received so little in return. My teachers used me to further their "published" status by making me do homework" (research to put into their grants and articles) and then grading me a "B" because I didn't do it as great as they felt they would have. My boss at work thought that the way to "give back to me" was to increase my pay or give me a fishing rod…even though he was the one who liked to fish and not I. My parents… you do the math.

Sitting in a club one night I realized that there had to be more out there.

A friend of mine invited me on a trip with his church group to Pensacola FL. I figured " What the hey; anything to get out of my mundane life." And Bam…just as I thought…I met someone!! Instead of meeting "Mrs. Right" I met "The Man!" God had brought me all the way to Florida to get me away from all of my distractions. That weekend changed my life forever.

When I got back I began to start over from scratch. It says in His word that when we accept HIM we become a new creation in Him. I was pumped to think that all the dirt I had built up over the years was literally washed away in HIS eyes instantly. I became a fanatic for the Word. I had to fill myself with as much of it as I could possibly fit in order to build up the foundation on which my new life was going to be built.

My friends who were still in the world thought I was nuts…or at least "going through a phase." My family asked me if I had joined a cult--worried my fate would be decided by some sort of punch concoction. But none of that mattered because my brain had already kicked into that which it knew-- Do…perform…achieve…BURN…BURN…BURN…

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