To change the subject just a tad and yet still remain somewhat on topic because ya'll have "brushed" on this a couple times in the past few posts...
A couple weeks ago, someone (I don't remember who or where...coulda been on the site, coulda been at stand, I dunno) said something about how Christians tend to get a little to "churched" once they get saved...okay, now I remember. I think it was Jason at Stand. I believe that he used the illustration something like:
|church| |you| |the world|
And how we should be in the middle pulling people from the world and throwing them into the church. It was awesome...
Anyway, he was saying how we get in our Christian cliques and hang out with Christian people...and to a certain extent that is healthy and good because you need fellowship and accountability, it is also depriving yourself of the chance to witness to others and depriving others of a chance to be witnessed to if you JUST hang out with Christians and separate yourself from the world.
Something about that really hit home with me, and yet I sat in my chair thinking well, I don't even much hang out with ANYBODY.
I am always working or tired or needed at home or SOMETHING. And those few times that I do go out, they NEED to be with Christian friends since I don't get to see the people I love enough as it is...
Not only that, but I would love to be able to go into a bar and witness to people...to go out onto the street in the middle of a crowd of drug pushers and tell them that Jesus loves them. To "hang out" with the unsaved...but I also have to think about my daughter. I can't bring her into a place like that even if my intentions are pure. She does not need to be around that.
So again, I felt helpless. What now? I miss being able to talk to people from behind the bar at work, and yet I know I made the right decision in leaving because I just can't condone it by selling it and then tell them that they really shouldn't be drinking that...
So what do I do?
I had allready been praying about that before Jason brought it up, but he sorta confirmed what had been stirring around in my spirit...I need to do SOMETHING. So I prayed some more...and I don't remember if it was right after Jason spoke about that or right before, but I accidently stumbled on a websight that I posted a link to a while back...I read some things that really broke my heart! People discussing God's existance/lack of existance...mocking Him, cursing Him...it made me cry! And I wanted so bad to say something to those people, but I just felt like the time wasn't right. Like God was putting His hand on my shoulder and saying "NO...not this one".
I was a little confused. Here I had been BEGGING for an opportunity to witness, and one falls in my lap, and no words would come. I couldn't say a thing. Like there was a block in my brain or something and I had forgotten how to talk to others about God...I almost posted, but I just couldn't help but stop because it seemed like God was telling me to wait. So wait I did.
And I don't think it was maybe a full week later when I was searching for some song lyrics and I "stumbled" across another discussion on a secular forum...and woooosh. God just gave me all this stuff to say and I couldn't type fast enough...I just had to type and type and type...and I knew that this was what God was telling me to wait for...
Lemmie start by saying this: I have read more ugly language, wanted to cover my eyes and shrink into a corner. Just like Candace was saying about smokey bars making her uncomfortable...well, that's how I feel around the kind of talk that these people talk. I've read the * word more than I think I ever said it when I had a potty mouth. And the graphic explicit conversations that I have to avoid just to talk to these people is unreal. I'm sure that some people will read this and criticize because it may seem as if I am entertaining sin, but I promise that I am doing nothing of the sort. I definitely stick out like a sore thumb over there. Kinda sad because although there are a couple "christians" over there most of them are so concerned with fitting in that they keep stressing that "whatever works for you"..."find your own spirituallity"...
That makes me sick...
But I realize that they aren't just gonna pop up here at the stand site and start asking questions...well, it has happened, but very few and far between...and Jesus didn't wait for the sinners to come to where He was...He went to them.
I haven't posted here for almost a week because I have been SWAMPED with people asking me questions...some just to challenge me, some crying out for help...other curious, and some confused. And to be honest, it is very draining. And some nights, I want to just lay down and give up...some nights it seems like God is not moving at all...like I'm just wasting my time...my energy. And yet I realize that it is HIS time, and if I am sharing His word whether it is recieved or not, then how could it be wasted? At least I am sewing the seed...it is not mine to say what soil in which it will land. Frustrating as it is...I just have to trust that His Word will not return void.
Every time I think I am about to give up, something happens to encourage me...Someone starts to see something that maybe they didn't see before...someone starts to understand what I am talking about...or at least try to look at it a different way than what they were...
I guess I say all this because I want to stress how important it is to get out of your comfort zone.
I know that it sounds like something trivial to most people. I'm not out there bringing clothes and food to homeless people...I'm not on the streets passing out tracts...I'm not doing anyone a great service. I'm not donating money to feed the children. I'm not in a bar telling the drunk that the bottle he has in his hand is not the answer. I'm just posting words on a page.
But I am doing what I think God would have me do right now, and that is all I can do.
I know this is getting really long, but I am trying to make up for lost time.
A secular song has been coming to my mind the past few days, and I didn't understand the signifigance of it until just now...so while I'm sharing, I might as well.
One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
And they say "What good have you done
By saving just this one?
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm."
This heart still believes that love and mercy still exists.
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless
In madness such as this.
It's like trying to stop a fire
With the moisture from a kiss.
And I hear them saying
You'll never change things
And no matter what you do
It's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing.
I do this so
This world will know
That it will not change me.
As long as one heart still holds on
Hope is never really gone.....
And I feel that way sometimes. But then I remember another song that is on a CD that I confiscated by the "Posession is 9/10 of the law" rule.
"You changed the world in a mighty way.
You may not recall it,
But I won't forget the day
When the love of God inspired you
To show me I could find the Truth.
The one who gave His life
So I could be free.
You may not think you changed the world
But you sure changed the world for me..."
And I realize that just to go around living life to prove that the world cannot change me is just as pointless as trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss, because GOD STILL HEARS PRAYERS IN THE FURY OF A STORM. I don't necessarily need to know if someone finds Christ because of something that He has led me to say/do. The glory is ALL HIS anyway.
I know how thankful I am that Rick stayed behind at the cafe that night and talked to me, and I KNOW that was totally his obedience to God. And I don't think he even knows how he affected my life.
Heaven rejoices when ONE lost person finds his way home.
I believe that God can use EVERY situation to work for Him.
Each of you...the posts that you make, the words that you say in love on these forums...you reach out to people. People read this site every day and don't post. But they are being ministered to. And I thank GOD that He has provied me a way to tell people about Him even though I cannot always leave the house.
I am 100% excited about the new direction that stand is taking, and I say that it's about TIME the church stop singing "standing on the promises" when all they are doing is sitting on the premises....okay...and I gotta stop now...I'm getting too fired up.
Please just keep me in your prayers...because I am just a little girl trying to go out and tell people how much their Father loves them...and I fall alot and skin my knees. And it hurts. And I bleed...cry alot, and sometimes don't want to get back up...it's a scary place out there full of hurt and fear and hate and anger. I just pray that God will allow me be invisible and let HIM shine through...
Whew! That's my longest post here in a while...
I love you guys...