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Help! Daughter wants to get married! #61452 10/19/08 05:04 AM
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Andy Offline OP
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Just a brief comment cuz most of it's covered in prayer and she usually listens.

Short Story:

She has an almost guaranteed scholarship at Columbia International University , that's one of those all expenses as in tuition, fees, food, boarding and most anything else she would need for 4 years. Yet...all of a sudden...she and her boyfriend feel it is God's will for them to marry at 18, work part-time jobs for tuition at a local Junior College, live with friends and still pay bills if necessary.

She and I have talked at length (That's a good at length ladies as she initiated all conversations)about how I feel about it and she understands that although I do not agree nor think it is wise. At that point in life she will be an adult and I really have no right to say no. (about marriage)

Personally, I think both she and her boyfriend have quite a few fantasies involved here, a desire to get away from parents' a fear of leaving home (her and school), He's a Knight in Shining Armor coming to her rescue and she is his Princess.

Anyway, I promised short so I'll stop but suffice to say that both Mother's are making things quite hard on the daughter. One is all for it and the other is stomping her feet and threatening to make them stop dating. Which by the way I did carefully explain to daughter that if Mom asked her or told her to stop dating that if she really was trying to live by God's Word then she should seriously consider;

Quote
Ephesians 6
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."


Which of course brought on tears and her question of Why is it that living by God's Word has to be so hard? Baby, God will never ask us to do something that is contrary to his Word.

Any who...please keep her and me in your prayers. That would be Andy and Leslie

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Last edited by Andy; 10/19/08 05:19 AM.

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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61453 10/19/08 06:25 AM
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Threats are never going to work and they may actually backfire.

Get down on your knees and pray! You need God's help!


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Echo] #61454 10/19/08 11:45 AM
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embie Offline
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I'm sure Andy and Leslie's jeans have holes in their knees Echo.

I received some really good wisdom from a former Pastor's wife a number of years back. She said that where her husband and family were concerned, she would give her opinion on a situation and then turn it over prayerfully to the Lord, knowing full well that He loved them even more than she did. God opens and closes doors according to His will. It might be to spare us from something or to teach us something. But ultimately the choice is Andy's daughter's, and no one can tell her that she is not hearing a Word from God, as difficult as it is to accept.

Personally, and no disrespect intended, but I think hormones, love, and desire are a huge part in this scenario. My prayer is for God to slow them down and dampen the fire a little so that they can approach this huge step objectively and without the passion factor involved.

Praying with you Andy. In all things God is on His throne. \0/


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: embie] #61455 10/19/08 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by embie


Personally, and no disrespect intended, but I think hormones, love, and desire are a huge part in this scenario. \0/


None taken, since I did leave that part out. You are quite right about those three.

As a Daddy who's tried hard to set the right example and to teach by example rather than words I do not doubt that she hears a Word from God. I only question rather she heard it right or got the right date. tongue

I know that even today I still have to go back to God's Word just to make sure that my desires or emotions have not somehow tainted what God is trying to tell me. And a lot of times, after carefully reading I have to admit to myself that I've let my desires interpret God's Word.

For me, my biggest concern is that Leslie know who she is in Christ before she becomes bf's wife, babies mother, or some other thing. As I've tried to explain to her it is only in the last six years that I've finally begun to discover who I am and that by not knowing who I was caused a lot of the troubles in her mother's and mine marriage. I do not desire for her to repeat the same problems that we had/have.

Quote
I'm sure Andy and Leslie's jeans have holes in their knees Echo.


Let's just say I bought each of us a pair of Carhartt's with the double layers on the knees just so they do not wear out so quick. tongue


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61458 10/21/08 03:14 AM
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smile

One thing that may help is for the couple to agree to attend pre-marital counseling with a minister they respect, and not one in their 20's. The pastor of the church they plan to marry in usually can do this. Ours helped us dig into what we felt driving us to marriage, our beliefs and how they were similar/different, our expectations of each other and plans for the future (school now/later, kids now/later). A lot of couples rush into marriage "because we love each other and that's enough" when they're not really in love, they're in heat.

Stepping back and honestly answering the above questions with a level-headed pastor can answer a lot of questions for them and their parents.


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Allen] #61619 11/12/08 12:49 AM
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OK, so I've lost another job (laid off due to lack of work) but the kids are happy since I can now look for one closer to home. (hence, since I've not been on since this was posted, just got DSL installed at new house.)

They have talked to their Pastor, Youth Director, Marriage Counselor at their Church, Me and although all gave the general advice of not a very wise decision at this time, they are both upset because no one understands them.

I did have the opportunity to talk with Dusty. After listening for almost 2 hours all he said was childish things and I finally explained that since he had already made up his mind regardless of the counsel he has received that there was really no need for him to continue.

Simply showed him
Quote
Where there is no wisdom, the people fall; but in the multitude of wise men there is safety.
(Proverbs 11:14)
and left it there.

But, there appears to be more drama in their lives recently. frown His Mom is not on speaking terms with the daughter any more. He is forbidden to talk with daughter. I've yet to find out the details of all the sudden changes but Leslie and I will talk tonight.

Oh! and keep us in your prayers as Leslie and I will be traveling to Columbia for her Scholarship Weekend this Thursday. We will be there Thursday - Saturday for her to visit campus and see what all they have to offer. Should be a fun few days for her and me.



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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61629 11/12/08 10:43 AM
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Yikes!

You guys definitely get prayers!


I remember those days of knowing everything.... oh wait... tongue


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Steve] #61634 11/12/08 03:36 PM
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Oh geez... I remember my Dad trying to deter me away from my 1st husband. I really wish I would have listened. At that age you just feel like no one can relate to you and that you know what is best for you.... even though you don't. frown

Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Outermaga] #61635 11/12/08 08:46 PM
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Andy Offline OP
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P.S. Keep this in your prayers too R.C. McQuilkin Leadership Scholarship as this is one of the reasons we are going for a visit, they will announce the recipient of this this weekend.

Who knows, I had to call there the other day for some information and the lady I spoke with replied "Oh, how neat, we were just talking about your daughter and her wonderful essay's".



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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61668 11/16/08 04:29 AM
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How did it go Andy?


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Allen] #61739 11/21/08 01:00 AM
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The actual weekend went pretty good, although I do not think she put her full effort into it. But as a weekend with my daughter it was well. Even went a little further north for a couple of extra days.

From what I gathered from talking to the admissions people there, even if Leslie is not offered one of the 2 full scholarships available it's quite possible that through other donors and things avail to them that most of the students present WILL be offered something. As they were talking to everyone one lady even went as far as saying that several of last years participants even received more funds that what a full scholarship was worth through a combination of gifts and donors from various states.

So.....she may still be offered something decent.

But.....

Since she has foolishly run off and gotten engaged who knows what may happen. I think I'm about to enforce some of Dr. Dobson's Tough Love.


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61748 11/21/08 04:15 AM
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Have you ever thought of simply saying "I'm your Dad and I will not let you marry that man...and you WILL go to Columbia?"

Just a thought...


Also I heard the voice of the Lord saying who shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, here am I, send me...

The real test comes when all strength has fled, and men must produce victory on will alone...
Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Devil's Advocate] #61751 11/21/08 04:46 AM
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That's where the "Tough Love" thing comes in. She might not like it but I *might* just lock her up in a closet for a few years. tongue


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #61754 11/21/08 05:26 AM
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I don't think love is ever tough...but it's tough to love...truly love...because true love brings with it lots things that one never associates with love...like the word "no", and discipline, and knowledge, and maturity, and the courage to suffer a loved one's condemnation knowing, many years from now, that condemnation will turn to admiration and thanks.


Also I heard the voice of the Lord saying who shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, here am I, send me...

The real test comes when all strength has fled, and men must produce victory on will alone...
Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Devil's Advocate] #61768 11/22/08 01:29 PM
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Still waiting for that to happen DA... wink


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: embie] #62326 03/24/09 08:09 PM
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I'm back!

Hmmmm, daughter has given her BF his ring back. States that she has NO intention of getting married untill she has finished her education. Woot! But of course I just smiled and thanked God for answered prayer.

She did apply and receive a small scholarship from Auburm University. It was after that that she bagen to rethink her future and educational plans. That was also when she began to drift from her current BF.

Since then she has applied at Berry College in Rome Georgia and received a 38,000 scholarship from there. That helps a lot on Mom and Dad's pocketbooks. But as she went to visit and was being introduced to the various people there (both of her Mother's parents were graduates from there and her Father was recently given some kind of award there) one of the admissions professors told her about a new scholarship being offered this year. Only 5 are given out but he felt that she would be highly eligble for it. Offered her his desk and computer to complete the application process last weekend.

She received a reply this week and will be going back this weekend for aqnother interview. Hopefully this time, without the thoughts of marriage and a BF she will do a lot better than her last attempt at Columbia. Either way it all sounds very positive.

So...just keep her in your prayers.

As for the loss of jobs....well it seems that I now drive a truck for USA Truck. Not exactly where I wanted to be at 47 but it is a job with benefits and the pay is pretty good. My son is already looking forward to the summer as he can ride with me. He thinks it might be neat to spend all summer riding. But then he alos just likes to spend time with Dad regardless of what we may be doing.


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #62328 03/25/09 01:27 AM
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That's good news Andy, congratulations on your daughter's scholarship! yay

Good to see you again smile


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Allen] #62331 03/25/09 12:05 PM
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Oh how awesome!!!

(on all counts!)


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Steve] #62431 04/30/09 01:21 AM
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Andy Offline OP
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Oh! Her Berry scholarship was recently changed to a 90% one! Woot


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Re: Help! Daughter wants to get married! [Re: Andy] #62433 04/30/09 04:53 AM
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Wow, that's the best news yet laugh


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