Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home." Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Honey," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath!" "Don't worry," replied her husband. "If the neighbors DO see you, they'll buy curtains FOR US!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Our four children, always on the go, frequently communicate with each other by leaving notes around the house telling where they've gone, what they're doing, or whatever.
Recently, we came across the following written exchange between Michael, 18, and Steve, his 12-year-old brother: "Steve -- borrowed your hairbrush. I'll return it when I get back. If you need one, mine is in Mom's car (which is why I had to borrow yours).--Mike"
Steve's response, written on the same note was: "Mike--- It's not mine. It's the dog's. Steve"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man came home from a poker game late one night and found his hideous harpy of a wife waiting for him with a rolling pin. "Where the hell have you been?" she asked.
"You'll have to pack all your things, dear," he said. "I've just lost you in a card game."
"How did you manage to do that, genius?" she asked sarcastically.
"It wasn't easy, honest," he told her. "I had to fold with a royal flush."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

------------------------------------------

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

------------------------------------------

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home isn't it?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Letters Of Recommendations For Employees

For the chronically absent:

"A man like him is hard to find."

"It seemed his career was just taking off."


For the office drunk:

"I feel his real talent is wasted here."

"We generally found him loaded with work
to do."


For an employee with no ambition:

"He could not care less about the number
of hours he had to put in."

"You would indeed be fortunate to get this
person to work for you."

"He consistently achieves the standards
he sets for himself."


For an employee who is so unproductive
that the job is better left unfilled:

"I can assure you that no person would be
better for the job."


For an employee who is not worth further
consideration as a job candidate:

"I would urge you to waste no time in making
this candidate an offer of employment."

"All in all, I cannot say enough good things
about this candidate or recommend him too
highly."


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What happens when you try to pull over a Nascar fan in the south...

CLICK HERE


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fresh from a visit to the dentist, I decided to stop at my bank. Barely able to enunciate, I told the teller, "I'm - sorry - about - not - speaking - more - clearly.- I've - had - Novocaine."
"You should have used the drive-through," she said.
"Why?"
"Everyone who goes through sounds like you," she explained.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The day of my mammogram, I chose a seat next to a man and his wife in the waiting room. Both the chairs and conversations were so comfortable that before long, I'd totally forgotten why I was there and asked the man, "So...what are you here for?" Talk about a showstopper. Dead silence just as Nurse "Ratchet" announced my name in her best baritone voice. I arose from my seat and hurried after the angel of no mercy.

Rounding the corner, I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Allll I need you to do is step into this room right heeeeere, strip to the waist, thennnn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr?" (I'm thinking, Belinda...try decaf. This isn't rocket science.)

Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy,but I suspect a man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of 36-B to a size 38-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't made of sugar and spice and everything nice...it's Spandex. We can be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of square glass and still pop back into shape. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?" "Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and finish me off?

My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity when we heard, then felt, zap! Complete darkness. "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is working on something. Bet they hit a snag," Belinda said as she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy....the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be righttttt backkkk." Before I could shout "NO" she disappeared.

And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and parts of me dangling from the Jaws of Life. After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, "Uh, yes...yes we did, thanks." "You bet, take care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though we'd been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said. "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A paramedic was asked on a local TV talk-show program: "What was your most unusual and challenging 911 call?"

"Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing."

"What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked.

"Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jeremiah had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthdays to the boat club across the lake for their first legal drink.

So when Jeremiah's 21st came around, he and his pal Dwight took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Jeremiah stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned. Dwight managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Jeremiah went to see his grandmother.

"Grandma," he asked, "it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked into Jeremiah's eyes and said, "Because your father, grandfather and great-grandfather were born in January; you were born in
July.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A couple of Rednecks, Joe and Eb, decided to play hooky one day from work and go duck hunting. They sat in the duck blind al morning and did not get a single duck.

My, my! Joe finally scratched his head, looked at Eb and said...

"Eb, I jus' don't think yer throwin' that there dog high enough."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a woman who spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township she attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies.

She wanted to always remember so she recorded this moment and would share it with friends when she arrived home. With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?"

Her friend looked at her an solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get dysentery."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two nuns, Sister Mary Agnes and Sister Mary Vincent, are travelling
through Europe in their car, sightseeing in Transylvania. As they are
stopped at a traffic light, out of nowhere, a small vampire jumps onto
the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Mary Agnes, "What should we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination,"
says Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes switches on the wipers, which knock the mini-Dracula
around. But, he hangs on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Wha...what
shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Try the windshield washer. I filled it with holy water before we left
the Vatican," replies Sister Mary Vincent.

Sister Mary Agnes turns on the windshield washer. The vampire screams as
the water burns his skin, but he hangs on and continues hissing at the
nuns.

"Oh, Lord! Now what?" shouts Sister Mary Agnes.

"Show him your cross," says Sister Mary Vincent.

"Hey! Now you're talking," says Sister Mary Agnes.

She then opens the window and shouts.....

"GET THE *&%$@# OFF OUR CAR!!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

WHAT I DIDN'T KNOW BEFORE I HAD KIDS

* Who John Jacob Jingle Heimershmitt is.

* How to change a diaper in the dark, in a parked car, on a standing
child and all of the above simultaneously.

* Which lines of The Cat in the Hat and If I Ran the Circus
can be skipped over without a child noticing.

* How bright a 3 a.m. full moon is.

* The design marvels of hooded towels, Velcro-strap shoes
and mitten clips.

* Locations of public restrooms all across town.

* Why anyone would bother retracing their steps for miles
just to retrieve a lost blankie.

* That tigers live in the trees in our backyard.

* How to open a van door while bobbling 2 lunch boxes, two extra coats,
a purse, a diaper bag and a baby.

* That solid white socks get lost in the dryer at a much
slower rate than do the mates of patterned socks that coordinate to
special outfits.

* How little sleep a human body truly needs to function.

* Almost every Disney lyric ever penned.

* How to spell amoxicillin, let alone say it.

* That one can never own too many sippy cup lids or refrig- erator
magnets.

* Scientific names of dinosaurs from A to Z.

* That reverse psychology really works.

* The recipe for a homemade version of Play-doh.

* The distinctive sounds of Cheerios crunching underfoot.

* Why they call them Happy meals.

* How far you can dilute juice and still retain it's taste.

* The blessedness of naps, the inviolate importance of routines.

* How much you could love one human being!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*read this quickly*

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*A Man's Guide to What A Woman Is Saying*


I JUST NEED SOME SPACE.
.... without you in it.

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS?
... we haven't had a fight in a while.

NO, PIZZA'S FINE.
.... you cheap slob!

I JUST DON'T WANT A BOYFRIEND NOW.
... I just don't want you as a boyfriend now.

I DON'T KNOW, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?
... I can't believe you have nothing planned.

COME HERE.
... my puppy does this, too.

I LIKE YOU, BUT...
... I don't like you.

YOU NEVER LISTEN.
... you never listen.

I'LL BE READY IN A MINUTE.
... I'm ready, but I'm going to make you wait because I know you will.

OH, NO, I'LL PAY FOR MYSELF.
... I'm just being nice; there's no way I'm going dutch!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her Cadillac XLR and was pulled over by a woman police officer that was also a blonde. The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it look like?" she finally asked. The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it." The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said. The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Physicians:
a. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (Statistics courtesy of U.S.Dept. of Health & Human Services)

Guns:
a. The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500.
c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do".
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Please alert your friends to this alarming threat.
We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Redneck "wing"

http://www.buffalosjokes.com/3366569.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

thanks for the laughs

Redneck anti-theft... sure he has an alarm..

http://www.buffalosjokes.com/56958458.htm

When Rednecks go to garage sales..

http://www.buffalosjokes.com/526526.htm

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My two brothers arrived at boot camp together. On the first morning, their unit was dragged out of bed by a drill sargent and made to assemble outside.

"My name's Seargent Jackson," he snarled. "Is there anyone here who thinks he can whip me?"

My six-foot-three, 280-pound, brother raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, I do."

The sargent grabbed him by the arm and led him out in front of the entire group.

"Men," he said, "this is my new assistant. Now is there anyone here who thinks he can whip both of us?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform.

"I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked.

The waitress responded proudly;

"I'm self-absorbed."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Blonde enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.

The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having a hard time choosing. Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print. The salesman asked what size curtains she needed. The blond replies "fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches???" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?" The blond tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "but, Miss, computers do not have curtains!" The blond says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had been doing Tech Support for Hewlett-Packard's DeskJet Division for about a month when I had a customer call with a problem I just couldn't seem to solve.

She could not print yellow.

All the other colors would print fine, which truly baffled me because the only true colors are cyan, magenta, and yellow.

For instance, green is a combination of cyan and yellow, but green printed fine. Every color of the rainbow printed fine... except for yellow.

I had the customer change ink cartridges.

I had the customer delete and reinstall the drivers.

Nothing worked.

I asked my co-workers for help; they offered no new ideas.

After over two hours of troubleshooting, I was about to tell the customer to send the printer in to us for repair when she asked quietly....

"Should I try printing on a piece of white paper instead of this yellow construction paper?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

Our Supply Clerk at the factory where I work, discovered a box that was left on the loading dock with this warning printed on it: DANGER DO NOT TOUCH!

Management was called and all employees were told to stay clear of the box until it could be analyzed.

When the foreman arrived, he donned gloves and safety glasses, and then, very carefully opened the box. Inside were 25 signs that read:

DANGER! DO NOT TOUCH!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nothing seems to dim my 13-year-old son's sense of humor. And he's certainly not above being the butt of a good joke.

Shortly after he was diagnosed with attention dificit disorder, (ADD) he threw this at me:

"Hey, dad! How many ADD kids does it take to change a light bulb?"

"Gee....I don't know. Oh, I give up. How many?" I said.

"Let's go ride our bikes."

(my kind of kid!! )

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

An English professor wrote the words,
"Woman without her man is nothing"
on the blackboard and directed his
students to punctuate it correctly.

The men wrote: "Woman, without her man,
is nothing."

The women wrote: "Woman: Without her,
man is nothing."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sounds of crashing and banging in the middle of the night, sent me and my husband out to our garage tp investigate. There we spotted three raccoons eating out of the cat dish! We shooed them away and went back to bed.

Later that same week we were driving home from the store and I noticed three very fat raccoons ambling down the road towards us.

"Look, honey! Do you think those are the same ones we chased off?" I asked.

"Hard to tell," my husband said...

"They were wearing masks."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?

that is funny!

hehe

There is a new virus. The code name is "WORK." If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else, do not touch it under any circumstances. This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the nearest bar. Order drinks immediately and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain. Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your life. If this is the case, go to the bar and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As he was driving home from work, a man in a rural
community was stopped by a local police officer. The motorist was given a ticket for failing to come to a full stop at a stop
sign.
"Don't I get a warning?" he protested.
The officer replied, "Sure. If you don't come to a complete stop next time, you'll get another ticket."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like.
It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do."
Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Wal-Mart will have its own wine...

Some Walmart customers soon will be able to sample a new discount
item: Walmart's own brand of wine. The world's largest retail chain is
teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto,California, to produce the
spirits at an affordable price, in the $2-5 range. While wine
connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Walmart brand wine
into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy
Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol,
R.I. She
said: "The right name is important." So, here we go: The top 13
suggested names for Walmart Wine:

13. Chateau Traileur Parc

12. White Trashfindel

11. Big Red Gulp

10. Grape Expectations

9. Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays"

8. NASCARbernet

7. Chef Boyardeaux

6. Peanut Noir

5. Chateau des Moines

4. I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar!

3. World Championship Riesling

2. Sams Shiraz

And the number 1 name for Wal-Mart Wine ...

1. Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with both white Meat (Possum) and red meat (squirrel).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

dont know wherer ya get em but they is funnnnnnnnny.
itis funny because it could happen.
nabster

oh steve, that is hillarious. i think i will keep an eye out for it. teehee.

Two blondes sitting on a park bench are discussing one of the major truths of life. One says to the other:

"Which is further away - the moon, or Florida?"

With only a slight pause the other replies:

"Hell-loooo! Can you see Florida from here?"

hehe thats great!

cute