I'm startin this thread 'cause I wanna... there's times when I don't feel like askin a question , my thoughts aren't quite as random , really aren't just complaints or necessarily a praise report , and definitely not something I gotta put a lotta thought into . This one may turn out to be our largest thread ever or die a slow withering death... but I wanna do it anyways 'cause I just gotta

If you're familiar with blogs, this will be something like that, you can post most anything similar in here if you like, or not Feel free to respond or add something of yer own.

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Long day today... been frettin over the appraiser coming to my house tomorrow so I can close on my home re-financing this week. I think it's a good deal, Idda don't know tho. It will allow me, with the extra funds it will provide, to finally get some things done around here to make it a bit nicer and safer. Anyways, long day today... was at work until 9:15 tryin to get that stoopid notebook workin again - I replaced the hard drive, but since the rain of last night, some water leaked through onto my desk and now my keyboard's top row of keys don't work (qwertyuiop) and I'm gettin some errors from the ram. I'm holding out on getting a new one pending the results of my interview for a promotion. A new notebook comes with that job

Anyways, my house hasn't been this clean in a while... I may take a picture

. I guess its cuz we only study a chapter a week and meet two times a month. I'm however looking forward to tomorrow cuz I get to talk to me professor about making up a missed exam from oversleeping . Okay that's it for me. Blogging can be so addicting...haha

hehe, good entry That's how long it's taking me to read the 'purpose-driven life'

No clue what a "blog" is...but sure do need to just "write". Safer place for these thoughts would be in a journal in my drawer. But, by now, you guys know I am human and far, far from perfect.

Supposin' that this is a thread to just get things "out"....that may mean nothing to no one...

I have come to the conclusion that the more I try to live "right"...the more opposition I face. (Its satan's dirty little game!)Guess it is a sad reality to be reminded that I have yet to "arrive" in this walk with my Savior. I have had several days to reflect on some things. And, I have actually figured something out. And that is, I continually over book myself...over extend myself, I work too much, I do too much with everything and everybody...that I have no time to heal the wounds that are still gaping within my soul. That will turn in to ugly, deep scars if the healing process doesn't take place. I have maybe done this purposefully, or maybe subconsciencely, or a combination of the two. But, to deal with the hurts of the past...is a very painful process. So, I think that I have chosen to rationalize....if I ignore it...it will eventually go away. Whatever second wind of my walk with God that I have been running on, I think is now done. Time to get down to the nitty-gritty. I feel almost as if, I am preparing for warfare. I see what is layed out ahead of me...and I know what must be done. This could get ugly. One thing that I am so positive of...is that I am tired of the vicious cycle of standing up and falling down...climbing back up and then being knocked back down and so on. I am a strong person. I always have been. This has been such a trying year. Lots of mistakes. Not many victories. The direction of the wind has changed and my sails are up. I am tired of feeling powerless in this time of transition. Its time to "pass" this test...learn the lesson and get on with what He has planned for me. I read something tonight that made me think. Just a little thought about God meeting us when we pray. That is my key. I have got to spend more time in prayer. One thing that I do feel is that I can laugh in the face of people that say..."Change is good". Maybe it is...sometimes. But I tell you, IMO...Transition Sucks. I talked to a friend of mine in Oregon. I said, "What are you doing?" He replied, "Lying on my couch in the den. I have a nice fire going in the fireplace. And, I am just relaxing. Not thinking of anything. I am letting my mind rest." To that, I said, "I need you to teach me that trick....sometime." He said, "what trick?"...I said, "to just think of nothing". (I could of been at home....enjoying some quiet time at that very moment. The kids were at their dads for the weekend. But do you care to guess where I was, when this conversation took place? I was on the interstate, headed to Beaumont to meet my best friend, Gail, for dinner and a movie. There was no way I was staying home by myself. Especially, to enjoy some peace and quiet?) I have to say that I feel much better than I did earlier today. Lots of drama today. Should write it out in script form....this stuff would sell! Its just been a crazy la la day.

Donnie Mc Clurkin talks about a passage in the bible that talks about a "just man falleth seven times" and he says that what makes that man "just"...in the church today..that man would be talked about like crazy...ya know, fall once or twice...but SEVEN times? He says that what makes that man just is that he gets back up and he gets back in line and on track with God. And he stays on track. Its not the Fathers good pleasure that we make a mess of things all the time. But, sometimes I do make a mess of things. Just gotta get back up.

I love the song that Allen posted today. It seemed to speak to a part of me that was hurting.

Ok, enough of this blah, blah, blah.

Thank you for starting this thread, Allen. Nice to just get thoughts "out".

Saphy

Change is GOOD! Says who.........


I will tell you that there is a lot of change that I think is no good. No good at all!

Idle time. Run...run...run...if I stop, them my mind begins to wander. Ouch! That hurts.

But, people tell me and I can even show you examples of people who have healed from this type of grabage. Granted they had two people working at it. Opps...make that three. Them and God. But when there is only one or two including God it gets hard at times.

Gaping holes in your soul. Those hurt too. But I know that God has a plan. A plan for you, me, and most anybody else that will listen and be obedient. Yes...God will make all things work for good....(and then the qualifer) for those who seek Him.

The funny thing is. Why am I even here? I found this site many months ago when I first started playing with UBB Threads. I guess I can blame Allen for that.....be sort of like the first two people on the earth and point fingers at others for my faults. Never even bookmarked the site. But.......when all this garbage started in my life it seemed I remembered a place called praise.cafe!

Was good that I found it again. And then after I began to run around here and read, I was really glad that I remembered it.

So! Allen, thanks for a place like this. Steve, I read a lot of your stuff and it has helped a lot. Sapharina.........well, what can I say. You told on yourself, run..run..run....no time for yourself. Lady, YOU have to slow down. *chuckles* look at who's talking, the one who runs from sun-up to sun-down and then some.

I thank God for this place and each of you.

Thouht I would do something simple and return some clothes I bought as a joke not too long ago. I had never worn them, the tags were still on, and I could use the $30

Got to tarzhay and showed them my reciepts and the merchandise - the reciept had expired after 90 days - 5 days earlier than I made the trip The girl said I could get something in its place so I went back to the department to find something. 15 minutes of shopping for something I didn't want at a store I rarely go to using time I didn't have made me grab a belt and some shoe trees (I told you I didn't wanna be there). I brought them back up front and the girl said that wouldn't work as the price needed to be more than $30.

"Can you just keep the difference?"

"No sir, and it needs to be just one item."



I shop at target ~ once every 3 years and had no intention of going back for another 3 years. I told her to forget it and turned to leave.

"Let me get your other merchandise back to you..."

"No thanks, I didn't want it in the first place and I'm not driving back out here anytime soon."

:fume:

I don't know how they stay open....I can't stand that store, either. And my sis inlaw...can't wait to shop there every Christmas. (????)

I worked for Walmart for two years...and this blows my mind how Target treated you as a customer. If they do that to too may folks...they won't have a reason to clock in and report to work.

You could come to the 'deaux with us for vittles tonight....lol.

Saph

Just come to Georgia then!

I received a leather jacket for Christmas 2 years ago. A nice one from Penny's.

With all the changes that have taken place in the last year I lost LOTS of weight.

Needless to say, said jacket no longer fits but it looked unused. And it still had the original tags attached inside. Oh what the heck I thought.

Yeppers! I took it back, after 2 years. And I got a full refund! No needing to swap out for other stuff, no one item requirement....no nothing.

The lady took my jacket, scanned the barcode, found the original purchase receipt and gave me a full cash refund. Boy was I shocked and suprised!

I am going to request permission to be cranky for about 20 seconds...

MY BACK IS KILLING ME!

Ugh, I feel like an old woman...and any of you wise guys decide to comment on that...just bear in mind that I DID go see the Matrix the other night....don't make me come in there and use all the new moves I learned! (er, yeah, when my back feels better!!! LOL)

Could this possibly have AnYtHiNg to do with moving my piano last week??? You would think that I would learn....eventually.

So, Maw-Maw is over here debatin' whether to use Ice or Heat.

Dadgumit!

Saph

(Ok, I am done...griping and complaining....thanx)

Forgot that I had a test today....thats not good! Hopefully I can pull it off with a passing grade. (fingers crossed for luck!)

But then I get to go get a massage!!! Woo Hoo!!! I am probably the only person in the world that would get a gift certificate for a massage and let it expire. (who has time for all that???) I got it from my boss at Pappadeaux last year for Secretaries Day. (I worked in the office, too). Well the nice peeps at Jeneal International said, "that's okay...we will still honor it!"...So, today is the day! I am excited!

Talk to you all later....And, hey Cruel D...I hope you feel better today. (Its the pits to be sick and have to work, too!)

Peace out,
Saph

That's new for jeneals, they used to not let you use old ones - there's some good people over there

Well, I am late...but headed that way. (Jeneals)

So, so so so EXCITED that I made an 80 on that test (that I didn't study for....)



Saph

*bite*gnaw*chew*.....

The last time that I checked....I was divorced.

The last time that I checked....my ex was remarried.

Why, oh why...can't he just speak to me cordially about the kids....???

Too old for games...

One day he will realize that until Emalie reaches age 18...we will "have" to speak to each other concerning their well being. Hello.

I understand that if my house doesn't sell that perhaps the Lord doesn't think I should leave. But, I pray, everyday to put some distance between us. We are entirely too close....in proximity. Even though I dream of moving to Oregon....I wouldn't really have to go far. A different zip code would be awesome.

Vent, vent, vent....sorry

Saphy
(For the record...this conversation with him has NOT ruined my really awesome day!!!)

Yeppers! Me too!

Downloaded Steve's song this morning before going to work. Between it, the one I got the other day and an old Worship CD I ended up with some awesome tunes to listen too. And did just that. The day was going great.

Actually the last several days had been going good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> Why, oh why...can't he just speak to me cordially about the kids....??? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">I have felt this way for a while but thought things were getting better. My former wife actually told me thanks last week and again on Friday. She actually called at lunch Friday to tell me that she was going home to get the kids clothes ready for the weekend. (odd because this is something she has not done since her new boyfriend showed up)She even left a note with my name on it. I know....I know...that sounds so STUPID but you have to remember that this lady has not spoken or written my name in well over a year and a half. (unless of course you count her talking to her attorney about me)

Saturday she called to say she was going out of town. OK I think, this is better. She is becoming somewhat cordial, prehaps a little softening in her heart.

Sunday she called again to ask about Thanksgiving this week. Very polietly told her that it was on the calendar. I would pick the kids up Tuesday evening and return them Sunday evening.

Sunday night she called again. I swear I have not had this much conversation with her in many...many months. Wanted to know about Christmas. Again, very polietly I said she had them from the 18th to the 25th. I would pick them up on the 25th and keep them until they returned to school on January 6th.

That sure is a long time she says. If they start missing me they can come and spend the night. I hope that I'll be in Texas with my sister.

As we talked I asked about Christmas tree decorations. If it would be ok for me to have the left overs after they decorate their tree at home. I really do not want to have to buy all new decorations. And we did have 17 years together gathering these things. Most homemade and handpainted by us and the children. She said sure.

Monday night, usual nightly bedtime routine with the children. Call to say goodnight and say prayers. Our oldest daughter tells me they went out and bought some new Christmas decorations for me. I literally fell off the couch with that statement.

My former wife actually spent money and bought something for me. This is definately a new lady. I explained that I had not really wanted them to buy anything new. I would have just liked to have the ones that they did not use.

So......today I go to pick up the children. Their clothes are ready along with the new matching shirts for Thanksgiving Day. Opps! What's this? Another shirt that fits me. Wow...who is this lady?

The children need some additional socks and what nots. These are kept in our old bedroom in MY old dresser.

(much like Saphy, every material thing can be replaced, I had no desire to yank stuff out of the house. The children did not need to see that type of behaviour)

OUCH!

Pictures of this new boyfriend all over the place. Dresser, walls, bookshelves, nightstand and cedar chest.

Geez................it's only been 60 days.

There went my wonderful day, blasted out the door like an artic storm. Back to the car to crank up the tunes.

Sorry men, Yes I cried when I left the house. It hurts to see her jump into a new relationship so soon after her divorce. Back to the forgiveness process again. Guess what. It keeps getting eaiser and easier.

Saphy, your in my prayers. All I ask from her is just a little softening, polietness....trying to part on decent terms for the sake of the children and it like she's rubbing dirt in my face. I truely feel that sometimes she does these things just to see if I WILL get angry with her.

But.....me and the kids will have a wonderful week. I am off until next Monday and we have lots of walls to paint tomorrow.

Got up and saw Sheldon off to school this morning...took Emalie to school (had to drop cupcakes off for feast), then to the doctor, then to check Shel out early...then to the grandparents (they are going to spend Turkey Day in West TX with them). Was sad to see Emalie go, as she felt bad. But, with the meds...she will feel better.

Came home, decided to put Nikita on her leash and go for a walk. I have a perfect place here in my neighborhood to walk and run. But, today....I think that I was "pulled" around the block by my hyperactive dog!!

Called the gym....looking into an incredible deal... p/u uniforms from drycleaners....

And now...bad as it pains me to say...(especially after all the fun we had last night....) I hafta get ready for work!

Oh, I have had this on my mind most of the day...

For what its worth:
I am so thankful that God has been my shelter from the storm...my hiding place....the One who knows my thoughts afar off (and loves me despite my own self)...the One who is there to catch me when I fall....a STRONG and MIGHTY TOWER that the righteous can run into and be safe...(He is that same strong tower...even when I am not so righteous) Almost like re-kindling and old lover's flame....Jesus, be the lover of my soul. I love Him. This feels wonderful. I love Him...AND...He loves me.

Saph

Amen!

So very tired....My shift was 8 pm to 4 am...however, I didn't get off until 6:15 am. I am most thankful for a job...as I know there are many people without one. But, man am I wore out. Long two days, I guess.

A little OT with "holiday pay" :yea:

Going to bed now, lol....Eat some turkey for me, OK?

Saph

Well, I slept all day Thursday...after working so many hours...I crashed when I got home. When I finally DID wake up...I soon realized that I hadn't moved or changed my position the entire time that I was asleep...as my hands and arms were asleep. (couldn't feel them... took a minute to actually "move".)

Got to work tonight...and I have to tell you...there was a lady at one of my tables that made me seriousily doubt my nursing dream. She hacked and coughed and swallowed and nearly gagged (me!)....till I thought I would...well, you know. All those germs just drive me crazy.

Was so thankful to leave two hours early tonight. I know that I get "holiday" pay for Thur. and plus I worked extra last night...it will all balance out.

Anyone want to meet me at 6 am to Christmas shop??? lol. I have my list...my checkbook is balanced AND its payday....For sure, I am going to do my best to replace Sheldon's bike that was stolen recently. If I can.

Now, I sit here and think that I am so sleepy...and am giving second thoughts to all the great sales...I really want to crawl in my bed and get warm....Its nippy outside! (and inside, it wasn't cold when I left for work.)

I was driving home at 2:15 AM....don't suppose any of you were up...but, I wish that you all could of seen the sky. It was so incredibly clear and stars were EVERYWHERE. I resisted the urge to pull over and stargaze for a while. (I know....I am wierd. Never, ever claimed normalcy)

Well this post is all over the map tonight....But these are my thoughts....

BTW...any ideas on getting "....I'm gonna rock onto electric avenue...." outta my head??? lol Major 80's tunes tonight at work. But, I somehow have that one "stuck". I listened to my new Lakewood CD with all worship and praise songs....but electric ave...is still echoing...

And the hits just keep on comin'....lol

(Shop or sleep...that is the issue at hand...????)

Have a great day!!!

Saphy

Hey...if I sleep...then I won't spend my money!

(There is a thought! lol)

But...
Tis the season....gonna spend it anyway.

(Saphy is looking around for a magic 8 ball to assist in this decision making process...lol)


(Just pickin'...)


(decisions...decisions....hmm.)


Think I will lay down and "think" about it! Cause if I stay up I am gonna do something stupid like go put cinnamon rolls in the oven. Umm...now that sounds good.

saph

Well, I opted for sleep...and that was going well until 930 am. Phone...stupid phone. Really, I don't mind, because I know how hard I am to reach if you don't have my cell. So, got up. Answered phone. Checked in at PC...everyone was either sleeping or shopping (without me!!! lol). So, decided to go shop. I braved Walmart Supercenter. Of course....EVERYTHING on my little list was sold out. (including the bike I wanted for Sheldon). Left there and was a REALLY bad girl...I thought way back and couldn't remember the last time I had eaten...so I drove thru Krispy Kreme for a donut and latte. (SOOOOO YUMMY....no regrets!) Then I went to the gas station and some nice man talked my ears off...lol. Now I KNOW that I was supposed to be Christmas shopping...but, well...I was right by the manicure place....and I really DID need a manicure.....Did something REALLY different. Wish y'all could see....I have silver tips! (tis the season...lol) They are cute...I guess. In a wierd mood, you could say! Went and dropped drycleaning off. Stopped and joined the gym and then I went to the Joy Shoppe. That is where I really did finally buy a Christmas gift. Got my sister a watch. And I got me two CDs. One is a Mannheim Steamroller (Fresh Aire) that I have been wanting. And the other is A New World Christmas. Never heard of Stevan Pasero. But, it is really nice. Like relaxing Christmas music.

Ok...Gotta take a catnap.

Don't know where you all are at...but I miss y'all!

Saphy