okay, on a more positive note, what is the best thing you can think of you would want out of a marriage ? for me, it would be sitting on the front porch, watching the grankids or great grandkids play in the yard while our kids sit with us or herd the kids and we look at it all and know that we are blessed. i want to keep my sense of mind enough so that i know who my husband is until i die and that i can still show him i love him. i want us to remember our special things that are ours, like "our song" even though we might get bercitus and take our teeth out at night, and forget all our kids' birthdays. it would be great to be old, remember being young and holding onto it until the sun came up each day.

WOW, THAT IS SO DEEP, thanks for sharing. i believemany would agree with your dreams, hopes.

That is awesome, Jen. What a picture...did you see The Notebook? That was the first chick flick I've seen in a really long time that I enjoyed. Made me cry like a baby. LOL.

Yes, I want to be in love with my husband until the day I die...and I also have a vision of us doing something together that will enhance the lives of other people. I don't have a concrete vision yet...it's all still pretty up in the air, but I know that he loves working with kids, we both love the outdoors, and he's always wanted to coach kids sports teams, teach kids karate classes, etc...

Well, this past summer we did alot of camping in our little pop up camper. We would just pick a town and we'd look up RV parks on the internet and book a reservation.

We decided to go to Marble Falls the last weekend of summer vacation for the kids, and we waited till the last minute to look for RV parks. When I say last minute, I mean last minute. We were all packed up and ready to go, and we looked at each other and realized that we had no idea where we were going! Our laptop had the flu, so we called my dad who looked up some numbers for us. Everyone was booked or closed. "When are you coming in?" they would ask. "Oh, in about 4 hours," we would say...that would put us arriving at around 11pm.

There was no room in the RV parks. So we got to the last one on the list, crossed our fingers, and that was it. The man said, "Well, we're not really an RV park, but we do have RV hookups. We're actually a summer camp for kids, but it's empty now. Come on out. You can pay me in the morning."

So we did. It was soooo cool. It was called "Camp of the Hills", and it was huge with lots of woods to explore, a rope course, little dorms with clean bathrooms and showers, a beautiful little RV hookup right on the shore of Lake Travis...neat little swimmin' hole and fishing spot. It was so perfect.

Anyway, there was also a large kitchen and rec room that we explored (though I don't really know if we were supposed to), but it had bedrooms and a sanctuary of sorts and an entertainment center and a small infirmary and large cabinets FULL of clothes of all sizes that they give away to kids who come to the camp who don't have alot.

We got to talking to the owner who is a pastor, and their camp is a Christian summer camp for inner city kids. How awesome is that???

And I keep thinking how awesome that would be for my husband and I to be able to do something like that someday...to live out in nature...a little cabin in the woods, and have year round camps for troubled/inner city/underpriveladged kids.

We each have the gifts that we could make it work. How awesome would that be? To join together with my husband and be able to be used by God to change lives...whether it's a kids camp or whether God shapes that desire into something totally different...just to come together for a common purpose to advance the Kingdom. That's my ultimate dream...and the absolute best that I want out of my marraige.

hmm not just a coincidence . must be a sign! i say go for it! kids need good role models for stability sake. [;

We probably wouldn't do something like that until our own kids graduate from hs and get into college...Charity starts in the home. I think another big goal for me in my marriage is to become a better parental unit. I pray that our children are well rounded individuals who know where their center is. I want them to know that we put God first, family second, and the church third. God doesn't = church. God + family = church. If the family is not strong, then there is no sense in trying to be charitable elsewhere.

My mother was a pastor. She tried her ultimate best to serve God and to be a good parent, but she often neglected her family for the church. I don't want to do that to my kids, ya know? I mean, my mom must not have done too poorly; look how I turned out. But seriously, I've had alot of self-esteem/depression issues to deal with because of some of the stuff that happened to me as a child. The thing she did do right was teaching me in the way I should go, and now that I'm older I have returned to it even though I strayed for a while.

I want to do the same for my children, but also to let them know that they don't need to stray to begin with. Ultimately, the choice will be theirs and I can only pray when all is said and done that they will learn from our mistakes and not put themselves through some of the torture that we did when we were younger.

yes, completely understand your view, good choice. can relate. my mom was into this one church growing up[almost a cult]she worked there to pay for our schooling. family came second to her students and church responsiblity. some leaders prey on weak in order to control and delegate. so the leaders hve free time to go molest kids or have affairs. unknowingly by the staff. i was not touched if curious. we left before the second leader got to that level. we found out later what happened to one girl, her mother was blind. sad to take advantage opf ones weakness. but he was a sick man to start, control freak. still friends with first leader[affair guy], his wife forgave him too], atleast with an affair-other woman was an adult. other guy was in jail since . some folks have too much control, but weak folks give up their power slowly. dthis manipulation doesnt happen overnight to a congregation or its staff. always gradual. abusers work that way. sad!

So what is the ultimate goal in marriage for you? Is it just to make it? Or to stay in love forever? To accomplish a common goal? What are your goals?

the ultimate goal in marriage is to grow together as a unit, to grow together first placing God as the center of your universe from there everything else should fall into place. A spiritually fulfilling oneness with our Maker lays the foundation for the mutual respect, lasting love, unifying goals in any relationship. When I was married my ultimate goal was to be the "good" wife...good being the respectful, subserviant, docile wife..the one to be seen and not heard..fierce protector of my family, the matriach of the family my role to raise the kids, clean, cook and of course work and turn over the checks to my husband..money matters..his area of expertise...family decisions..his area of expertise...in essence I perpetuated his controlling nature because I allowed my tainted view of what marriage should because it's how I was raised in my own traditonal Catholic upbringing. Now in hindsight...years later, and divorced I have had lots of time to reflect on how things could have been different...my belief is had we had a spiritual foundation we could, as a unit, overcome any obstacles, were we able to give Him the control rather than trying to do things our way. Ok...sorry if I'm rambling...it's early in the morning...I'm tired but can't get back to bed...and my brain's fogging

first of all marraige and love is a decision. when the warm fuzzies of love are gone it becomes a choice. staying in love takes work.a Godly marriage is one where the wife submits spiritually to the husband and the husband submits spiritually to God. when this happrens noone is asked to do anything contrary to the word of God. the scriptures are clear on how a man and a woman and kids should act within the family. it is our model for a successful union. it aint easy. and it takes work, communication,forgiveness, trust and even saying things the other doesnt want to hear sometimes. because truth in a situation will often put things in perspective that going to cause probs in the near future. more than anything , in marriage, dont sweat the small stuff, remember you and your spouse will change over time and that is natural, and remember that the goal for both hubby and wife is to equally serve eachother in spirit. the flesh will mess up and say and do things that tick us off. but still dont sweat the small stuff....it really doesnt matter.
nabster

Hear and understand you Haze. But then the subserviant thing is basically a Christian NOT a Catholic concept as demonstrated by nabster's reply.

Just one of the many reasons I don't have an organized religion going and don't buy every wod in the bible being God's word not man's.

Men do have a good thing going though. I'll admit that. Discussing this very point with a Christian lady in my strength traing class because of another Christian couple, I heard something I never thought I would from a Christian lady. Her commet was short and to the point. "I only worship God." All you gave and gave up in your marriage was indeed man/husband worship. I won't beleive God ever intended that. He loved and respected women too much to.

Hey, Haze! Good to see ya. I love what you guys said about overcoming all obstacles in a marraige as long as Christ is the ultimate focus. It inspires and gives me hope during the bleak times. Not only does it give me a light at the end of a dark tunnel, but when times are good, the notion and belief that any problem can be conquered in a marraige if God is the foundation is an affirmation to me, and a testimony of God's goodness. When I see all of the dark times that He has brought my marraige through in such a short period of time, it makes me want to burst with thankfulness and joy.

My only real regret is that we didn't lay the foundation as soon as we should have. We built quite a bit of our relationship on "sinking sand" if you will. And it sunk. We were (or at least I was nearly at the brink of loosing it all when I decided that the man that I had married probably was not the man that I should have married, but he became the man that I was supposed to be with for the rest of my life when I took the vows. And meant them. I do not take marraige lightly, and I set my mind that I was willing to put up with/deal with as much heartache as I had to deal with to honor my vows.

In no way are we on Easy Street now, but wow, it is so much better than it was, and in time as we draw nearer to God, it will be even better. We can -- AND WILL -- still have a strong, one day completely healthy (although never perfect) relationship that honors God, because with Him and through Him all things are possible. We have been made more than conquerors. He who began a good work in me [now us, as two have become one] will be faithful to complete it. And what God joined together, no man can tear assunder.

So what do you guys think? Once you say the "I do's" does Mr./Mrs. wrong become the right one for you if you turn it over to God?

GOOD EXAMPLE THAT MEN ARE CAPABLE OF CHANGE THRU God. its encouraging! For my case, my ex hubby had no intention of being a man of God, and planned to convert me to Hindu. yes, WE ARE NOT TO BE YOKED WITH UNGODLY PARTENERS? however thay can change with God's help. we all make mistakes in our pursuit of companionship. when we do it in our own power and not let God match us up? EVERY CASE IS DIFFERENT, now glad I loved my ex enough to allow him to find his own path, could only be done without me. he needed growing up to do and SO DID I. sometimes love means letting go!I was selfish when we first married, love is not always enough. gotta have God! [;

I'd like to get married someday. I subscribe to Modern Bride and Southern Bride. =o

=)

I think I have this false sense of what marriage is.

If you aren't and have never been married, you probably do have a distorted view of marraige. I know I did...but it's a learning experience.

I would suggest at least 6 mo of Christian Pre-Marital counseling before you tie the knot. It will save much heartache later...

I don't intend on getting married very soon. =D But I'm a girl and I like to dream.

So have you found him yet, though, or are you just chillin'. Yeah, I used to dream about big girly weddings too...

I don't know. I'd like to think I have... but... meh.

Hahah. Aaaaah. I'm blushing like an idiot.

Ashley, i like to dream to. I used to have this friend and his mom used to tell him and i quote "melissa needs to learn that life isn't a fairytale especially when it comes to love"

Good ol' mom. You know, I learned alot from my mom, lot of it good, but when it comes to marraige, I learned mostly "don'ts" from her. I know that sounds negative, and she must have done something right because my dad is still with her after 20 some odd years...but he is miserable, and my 21 year old sister who still lives with them is constantly playing "referee" and having to blow the wistle and call timeout. My mom ruined my dad's credit, she screams alot...and she holds a grudge. She did sacrifice alot for us as a family, and I'm sure I don't know alot of the stuff that she had to put up with behind the scenes, but I do know that she lost her temper and let the whole world know it, spoke poorly of my dad to others when she was angry at him, and often put the ministry and the church above my dad.

So I learned that you (and haven't perfected all of these yet):

Never speak poorly of your husband to others, especially when you are angry. Others tend to be sympathetic and say things that will not benefit your marraige in any way. Especially others that are in the world. They will tell you that you can always leave if you don't think you're being treated fairly.

Never scream at your husband. It doesn't help. He hears you loud and clearly when you are speaking sweetly and rationally (most of the time), but he NEVER hears you when your voice raises to a yell. Never.

Never argue or "discuss" an issue with your husband in public (unless it is something that you have both agreed to invite a third party oppinion in). He will feel as if his authority is being undermined in public, and he will be humiliated...he will not respond well, generally.

Never write bad checks or pay bills late. The Bible has put you in charge of giving your husband a good name. That means speaking highly of him, but now days credit is almost everything. Good credit is part of having a good reputation.

Never put anything above your husband (except for God, and remember that God is not church)...not your children, not your parents, not your friends, not your job, not your hobby, not your own personal wants.

I remember one lesson that my dad taught me about marriage, and one only. The thing that he repeated to me over the years has stuck with me. I almost wish it would have been my mom I learned this from, because it's an embarrasing talk to have with your dad...

Never use sex as a weapon. It's Biblical. It's in I Corinthians. You aren't supposed to deprive your partner of sex as a manipulation tactic to get what you want. Apparently this was a huge problem in my parent's marraige in order for my dad to have spoken to me so frequently and so adamatly about it. It was a simple lesson, and as I said, it was honestly the only lesson regarding marraige that I remember learning from my dad. He was pretty quiet most of the time. But it was a very important lesson...

Okay, need some advice. He says I don't compliment him enough. I compliment him ALL THE TIME, but he says they are unmemorable and one dimensional.

When we get into a heated discussion, and he says things that are hurtful, I usually cry. Sometimes I get angry back...and he says that I should compliment him with as much emotion as I have when I'm upset.

How do I do this without it seeming fake or corny??? I'm fresh out of ideas...