is that why I hang out at airports-cuz am a baggage carrier? [; its in the past. prefer to move forward with what I got left after losing my luggage at the airport, and i dont fly commercial. still have my humor intact. just my ''seatbelt'' is broke. we should be called WOMBAN , not women.? anyone else feel less womanly due to malfunction?

I hesitate to marry a man who wants kids [or more], would feel like I WAS CHEATING HIM OUT OF A FAMILY. ? even though Id adopt or accept any kids he already had. what if a man does not want kids, we marry-then I get a miracle-hed think I had lied to him.?

safer tosay, if I can have kids, itd be from GOD or not at all. make sure its an option . Im prolife anyway. and refuse to marry a man who is not. prochoice means he can change his mind and free to leave you if it happens?

most worldly guys are prochoice cuz its suits their freewilly lifestyle! and they always look up to clinton /monica scandal as a role model for their behavior. an excuse, to justify their not being responsible. it takes 2 to screw up a childs life./future. ifthat child is not born with the man[or woman's]consequences!

ok, now on a lighter note. working on that. anybody here?

everyone asleep already? im next. nite! cardiotherapy again tues. same time[for my dad].and on thurs. senior city. cold room.[temp]

hey yall. i seem to agree with michelle in regards to men having a "try before you buy" mentality, but somehow i got lucky and my man took a huge risk and went with me, who had a long past and somehow knew it would be the way to go, even after he had been "burned" being married to a less than settled down woman before. it has been a chore to convince him that things are safe and there will be no cheating, leaving etc like he experienced before but time has been the best thing in this area, as more time goes by, the more he trusts what i say and it matches what i do. time really works well in a marriage. kinda like floor glue, the more you use the floor after the glue has been put down, the better the result. ... (bad analogy, but i think you get the picture)

So, what you're telling us is, marry a sticky woman, right? I know, I'll do it for you.

ok , am i on the right thread here? well, sticky woman cant get away as fast. hahaha few chics cheat unless their guy[not man]does first out of spite, jealousy or fear of being a fool or worse-deserted . also a one upness thang. ergo not wanting to be a fool again. been therre as a single chic where guys actually brag about ''stepping out''to my face and id been loyal the whole time. at first. revenge factor. he obviously wasnt worth being loyal to, and didnt care -even insisted i see other people, cuz he already was. someone prob hurt him and hes paying other females back for it. chics do same. [some do]. but women are wiser. now. not then. i hope.

sorry if i got off topic. glad you found a good hubby michelle. its rare these days. id like to find one who wont hold my past against me and not cheat on me too. so if he is none of those, must be from GOD! [; AWESOME. let God pick em out eh, is that the lesson here? THAT WAY, NO QUESTION HE IS A GOOD MAN? yet still human enough to make us feel normal. haha

i think woman are just as guilty of cheating as men are. they are just better at disguising the excuses. "he made me do it"etc. it is a double standard, as many things are. i think it depends on the person. i used to think, once a cheater, always a cheater, but now i think lifestyles can change and therefore people can. i had talked to allen about this once, maybe on a thread here, but i thought people never change, now i know they can all grow and with the grace of God, they can do just about anything. so, be careful about generalizations.

true. humans in general will try to justify whats in their nature. not just a gender thang. more like personality vs past experience that creates such lifestyle. those hurt most play games , not always. marriage is scared to me. it can only work with God, my ex hubby is hindu. bad idea! never lived with me, some visa or green card factored in too. he was a student at lamar still. he could stay in usa only if a student or working on campus. so I heard. doesnt matter now. it was my old life.

Sticky women. ROFLOL

Wow, it's awesome that he stepped out like that and took a risk. It's refreshing to hear that you are trying your best to prove to him that he made the right decision. Alot of women would resent the fact that he was scared. I think mine still tries to test me sometimes to see if I'm going to walk away. Sometimes I wonder when the "probationary" period of our relationship will be over with...but then I look back at how far he's really come from when we first got together.

Ideally, he is not the type of man that I would have ever gotten close to...but it's just another example of how God can take what the enemy wanted to desrtoy you with and turn it into something beautiful. We are both better people for having been together, and I believe that is one of the purposes of marriage...to compliment each other, to better each other. God should be the one to complete us, but we should compliment each other. We should understand that our spouse has weaknesses. After all, we married a human being with flaws. I'm not saying we should excuse the flaws or ignore them by any means (not the ones that count, anyway), but understand that the person your with does have a past, and that it affects the way they are now. Do not let them use it as an excuse, but try to be patient with them as God is patient with us...Try not to keep score...

You know, I see so many people today with a "tit for tat" mentality. You did me wrong, I'll do you twice as wrong. Just like spinster was saying...(only I think it happens with both sexes, and that it is a poor excuse for cheating)...You cheated on me so I will cheat on you, or you didn't make me feel wanted so I went somewhere where I felt appreciated.

It's so sad. I think alot of it has to do with the fact that broken people look to a mate to make them whole, not realizing that they will actually only make things worse by hooking up with another person and expecting them to fill their void. It's unfair to expect another human to fix them. No one person will ever be strong enough to take a broken person and make them whole, and eventually what happens is the person who is being fed off of either gets worn down themselves and has nothing left to give or they decide that they've had enough and they get out of the relationship, leaving the allready broken person feeling abandoned.

My husband and I began to pray together, memorize scripture together, read the Word together...and even though we are not near as consistent as I would like to be, it made such a huge difference in our marraige, in our attitudes...because we were no longer trying to feed off of each other. We began to feed off of God like we should have done all along, and the quality of our life together improved so greatly that it's beyond reason.

I've heard it put this way. Look at it like a triangle. The bottom corners of the triangle are you and your spouse. There is a large gap that separates you. But if God (being the tip of the triangle) is your focus, and you both are working toward being closer to Him, what happens as you move upward to the tip of the triangle? The gap gets smaller and smaller...But if you both stay at the bottom, neither working on drawing near to God, the gap is so huge.

It's sad too, to see one spouse working at it and one spouse staying stagnant, but the Bible also says that when one spouse is unbelieving or just not close to God, that the spouse who is close to God can draw the other spouse with them...it's such an awesome concept, marriage...the covenant between a man and a woman. But it is taken so lightly in our culture. Why is that, I wonder?

good one. true. hey, marriage with God in us is like the trinity? a pyramid! love those. my ex wanted to convert me to hindu. can also work against you. like those saudi men who run off with american mixed kids. [movie''not without my daughter']. scary! i coulda been in Asia during that tsumami! got annulment instead. but i feel divorced.

Wow. I believe that is why God warns us against being "unequally yoked". It applies to different religions as well as just Christians with non-Christians. I know of several couples who married from different religions (for example one of the couples consist of a Jew and a Catholic). Neither of them will give up their religion. They have children and every other Sunday they flop between the Catholic church and the Jewish temple. That has to be confusing for the children!

But sometimes we let our "heart" get in the way. I know, I did the same thing in the beginning of my relationship with my husband. It ends up hurting us later, and during the midst of the pain we see that God made the rules for a reason...but the beautiful thing is that no matter how bad we mess up, we have never messed up so bad that He can't salvage it! Whether it's to salvage the relationship as He did in my case, or to help you pick up and move on afterwards as he will do in your case, He still has a bigger plan than what we could ever comprehend, and He has something out there for you.

I can understand why you would feel divorced. When two people come together, the Bible says that they become one flesh. To have part of your own fleshed taken away from you for whatever reason, whether by necessity, choice, or "accident"...it hurts!

You know, my very favorite scripture is Isaiah 54. Look it up and give it a read...it's awesome.

i can't imagine the pain of divorce. my husband is divorced and he was a mess when it happened. he was the one who filed, and he was the one who wanted it to end. although she said she loved him no more, he still loved her and her children. it is tough. we dont talk about it anymore, but did a lot at the beginning of our marriage. it wasnt like he had baggage, just that his experience made him what he was in regards to fears etc. now he fears those things less and believes in marraige forever and ever. you will again, spin, just hang in there, we have all been bitter and through tons of painful stuff. i have a track record about ten miles long, but i am so whole and as mentally stable as i can be these days (ha) with the help of my husband and i's union. the right person comes along and you just start to GROW. things happen that you could never have done alone, and you become the person your family "remembers" or someone people look to, when jsut a few years ago, you were a person who was searching for the answers. God is so strong and faith can carry you anywhere you need to go. it's letting go and not running the show to an extent and constantly reminding yourself that all things will come out okay .... marriage is a wonderful awesome thing and i love the triangle analogy, it really seems to say it all!

thank you, i needed to hear this. even though it was my idea to leave my ex. feel bad for hurting him. it was for the best. he needs someone who can share his goals. maybe i set him free because i loved him. hmm. could be? FOR HIS HAPPINESS, NOT MINE . and if i wasnt going to be happy with ''kiran'', that would not have been fair to stay with him. personality clash more than mere culture. but didnt help either. it was a bad idea from start it is obvious now.

Yes, but hindsight's 20/20, no? It seems like a good idea at the time, and I think maybe that is what hurts us as a culture is that we do what feels good right now and don't even consider the consequenses of what will happen later. That applies in all walks of life, but when we do it and involve another person? And possibly even children...wow. It's just a darned tragedy. My husband has been divorced as well, twice. The baggage will always be there, but it gets lighter as we learn to turn some of it over to God. The past can't be erased, but it can be used as a tool to bring glory to Him if we'll only let go and let Him take control. It's so hard to do that, though...especially when you have messed up so badly and you know it's your fault. You sometimes don't even feel worthy of the help. I know I've been there, when you don't even want to ask God to help you because you know that you put yourself in this mess. But He's so faithful...and He may not always help you like you expect Him to, but nevertheless, He does have your best interest in mind.

yea, im like that about family. i got myself in that mess. and ashamed. still they helped find a great lawyer. in tx , it can be uncontested. [annulment etc]. she was awesome. God would forgive me before my own brother sometimes. but thats a work hazzard for him to hold that tough exterior. and past family crisis didnt help. we are good now. dont want to go there again. your mistakes can reflect bad on a family's reputation, even at their work. small town, folks gossip. never know?

i need new material to write about than ex. cant we just make stuff up thats more positive? not that im against marriage. am all for it with right person this time! ok right man FOR me. just me. not gonna share any man. ok would share my man with God of course. if He sends me one. He may not send me a man again, have to be ok with that possiblity, it stinks to consider that as an option.