So what's the use, why is this happening to me over and over again???

I met someone I like turns out he broke up with his g/f some four weeks ago. He is so sad, I dont know if he misses the relationship or if he misses her most... I hate to see him like this... But what can I do? Be happy that he is single, or sad that she broke his heart? Both?

I met him for the first time in January and it was something special with him from the beginning. Somehow I usually never become close friends with someone if I am interested first, it's always friends first and then love, or love and no friendship. But it was different with him. It was both interest and friendship at the same time. In school, he confides in me and he only talks to me and his guy friend. He keeps talking about this girl and it hurts so much, but I try to be a good friend and listen and understand and make him feel better. We really get along and there IS some sort of chemistry there... Same interests, sense of humour, we think alike, basically I think we would be good for eachother.

But whenever I think that, it turns out the guy is not interested. In the past, it's probably been because I've had a crush on them without really knowing them, so we dont really "match". And guys who have been interested in me aren't my type. Some guys at work I know were interested, but they are so not my type it's not even funny. What a waste of emotions, isnt it... And instead of loving, you get hurt, miserable, heart broken... It's like it's not for me. So close but so far away...

And this is the first time I REALLY like someone for who he is, being his friend and not making up some imaginary picture of who he really is...

Should I continue to be friends with him, and see where it leads, with the risk of crushing that friendship, and possibly asking myself if I did it because I have feelings for him or because I genuinly want to be his friend?! Or not be his friend anymore because I'm interested and he is still in love with her?? I have tried both and it's not working... I cant be mad at him, tried that, we end up talking as usual anyway... We can talk about pretty much anything except us or our friendship, a sensitive subject it seems Strange, because he's not uncomfortable with me. Or I with him. But there's some tension, and there's been some misunderstandings when we've tried to talk about it The words have just come out wrong...

Also, we ended up in the same project group which means we have to work together all semester... so I will get closer to him whether I want or not... I dont know what to do... or if I should do anything at all? It's just that I can't take it anymore

Hey aleina... firstly, it's good to see you on here

Secondly, if you really consider him your friend, I think you should continue the friendship and see where it leads... communication seems to be falling short when it gets to something that matters to both of you - you really owe it to each other to get it out in the open so you can make rational decisions about the direction your friendship/relationship should go.

Anyways, that's from a guy's perspective. I'd wanna know if something like that bothered you that much, no matter which way it turns out. Keeping it in will only build resentment.

Hi Aleina!!!

I agree with Allen. Work on the friend part first, any solid friendship will survive much, even a shot at love!

You don't have to answer this just reflect on it.
Who is the one that is having the most trouble dealing/verbalizing the relationship issues?

God bless ya!

I agree with both of them Aleina. Be his friend and be there for him, if love comes out of it, then great.

Good Luck and keep us posted.

Good to see you again!

Thanks guys Feels better now that I have vented about it.

As I said, I can't ignore him, or be mad at him, or not be his friend, we're too much alike and he's too cute for his own good This project we're doing is gonna be interesting......... I was assigned contact person towards our client, and he is gonna be the "coach" keeping track of what we do and making everyone feel good. I suggested he'd be in charge of the beer and party snacks too LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Steve:
You don't have to answer this just reflect on it.
Who is the one that is having the most trouble dealing/verbalizing the relationship issues? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Ok Steve Pavlov the immediate answer from any woman would be:

MEN!

See I can even joke about it... Although I'm curious what your answer would be - and why.

aleina

I'm gonna have to go with the crowd here and say be his friend, but I will elaborate.

I was in that exact situation several years ago...back before I got saved. It's not an easy situation to be in. I was there for him, and I was his friend only...but I let him know how I felt about him. After being inseperable friends with him (strictly platonic) for over a year, he decided that he was going to use me because he was lonely, and I was only too happy to be used (basically because I really really honestly thought he had just realized that he felt the same way for me that I felt for him... )

That killed our friendship. Dead in the water, and I lost one of the best friends I think I ever had.

Communication is going to be key here as in any friendship/relationship. And don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that just because he turns to you when he's lonely means that you mean anything to him. I'm not trying to sound callous here, but guys are like that (most of them). Some don't always mean it that way, but some do...they will use you when you are weak and they are feeling weak. It ends up giving both of you instant gratification, but the difference there is that after the fact, he feels better, and you feel like dirt.

It's the way of the dating/ co-ed friendship world...be his friend, but be careful.

He hasn't just started to turn to me NOW, we've been close since we met God has blessed me (if it IS a blessing LOL) with a realistic personality and I'm also a very good judge of character. Add that I'm so not romantic and never see things through rose-colored glasses... I think I've learnt from past experiences to look through men and what they are up to

I'm glad that you have learned that.

And I'm not talking about him turning to you for friendship/companionship... I was talking about intimacy. I wasn't saying you didn't know all that, just adding my input.

I'm thinking that this project may reveal other dimensions to your friendship. You will be seeing each other in different functions, under different roles, him as the overseer, you as the doer. You may get a better or different undersanding of his "make-up", ie: values, goals, etc. You can learn alot about a person in situations like this...hopefully you will end up still liking him at the end...

embie: bingo!

michelle: I thought you meant intimacy but wasnt sure so I replied as if you didnt mean that ;

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by foreverchanged:
(strictly platonic)
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Someone recently corrected me. The word is plahtonic.

This is not a discouragement. I have a friend whose in a similar situation. It will be difficult to maintain a friendship with him because you are attracted to him. However, people always say that relationships which start of as friendships are the best kind. And if nothing romantic comes from this but a genuine friendship; it'll be worth it.

Hi Aleina

If you mean betwixt Dena and myself? We talk about "us" but mostly those talks get pushed aside for any miriad of reasons/excuses/we have kids....... Anyway we have recently dedicated ourselves to carving time out to have those kinds of discussions. We even went on a date recently! (You don't know what a feat that was!) Kids dramatically change relationships, not for the worse mind you but your focus moves from mutual service to service to the kiddos and if ya aren't careful it can lead to mutual neglect. Not mean in anyway, but not a postitive effort to serve!

There did I confuse you enough?

Steve --> The question you posted was

"Who is the one that is having the most trouble dealing/verbalizing the relationship issues?"

I dont know what question you tried to answer

that makes 2 of us... it was a nice post tho

Sheesh just try to help and everyone makes fun of you.............

THBTHBTHBTHBTHBTHBT roflololol

I still liked the post

me too

Seriously, if that was your reply to my question, then please explain again what you mean... I dont get it

So what's the deal with all these people going around in love with someone who doesn't feel the same way?? Are you supposed to learn smth? I think it's a waste of time... Thoughts?

...not sure Aleina. loveis such a complex word. If ou get a chance or can find it...check out The Four Loves by CS Lewis. He hits the nail on the head for me. I can find myself in ever aspect of his descriptions. If you've never read anything by him, his stle challenges you, but he's awesome.

For me...I know in my heart of hearts that I still love my ex-husband. I think that's why it's been so hard for me to move on. Love is supposed to be forever. The bible describes it one way as Patient. For him and I, it's fruitless now, and I know that. We're in different worlds. It's debilitating and inhibiting and frustrating as I know that all that pain was so unnecessary. But through my divorce, I came to Christ...so it was so totally worth it. Did I learn something? I sure did...I learned tons! Mostly about myself though. And I'm still learning. Carrying a torch for someone that does not repay the feelings, over the long term, is not healthy. And like in my case, it prevents you from allowing yourself to be open and available to someone who might love you back.

I believe that God has His hand in all things. If you are meant to be with our friend, God will work that out. And He will make it clear to you. It's clear in m case, that this is not what God has for me...it's my own flesh, the contact that my ex and I have because of our kids and the whispers of that punk devil that are crippling me. It's here that I should be listening to...Run Forrest...RUN

I will be praying for you...for wisdom and discernment.

...oh and Steve will talk regardless of the question...sometimes he even makes up his own...

......only if no one has asked recently........

Yeah Aleina you kinda flipped the question back on me, so I fumbled through it.