im sick of life.. ive shot up and by the time you read this ill be dead.. i love Amber and i cant have her..

**** god.. **** him..

im going to shoot myself! **** the world..

J, I don't know if this is real but I do want you to know that I am praying right now for God's protection over your life. There is always a way to cope with the struggles you are facing and you don't have to do it alone. I know you are in pain and that it seems hopeless, but nothing is impossible for God. You have to cling to that Truth. I am trying to reach you. Call me if you can 1-860-626-0004.

Hey J,

I am not sure really whats going on, but as embie said, I'd like to talk if you want to. I've never seen you post about Amber before. Who's she?

innerdawg

Hey J, I know you are out there... people care about you, you can always call me at 1-409-498-3792 if you want to talk.

Prayin for you J.

His Heart

J...don't.

J,
Please don't do anything...I am praying for you...please let us know if you need anything.
-Brian

J, for what it's worth I hope you are around to read this today. If not, God rest your tired soul.

But if you read this I just want you to know that you at least got me to say my second real prayer in months. I couldn't even pray for my daddy when he was having a heart attack last week. But you got mine. And I know that prayer may not mean anything to you, but maybe the fact that you really are cared about enough for someone to take the time out to think about a stranger will help you realize that the world is not all cold.

Even if you can't cling to God right now, you have to find a reason to hang on until you slowly come back around to the realization that God is there. He is. I don't know him, but He is there. But I understand that doesn't help you right now. So please consider the fact that you have at least 5 strangers sending up prayers for you whether anyone's hearing those prayers or not.

And we really do care what happens to you.

Please (if you read this) let us know how you are.

Start a personal journal or something...that will help a little maybe. I've only been doing mine for a little less than a week and it has allready helped me feel better.

And about Amber...the hurt will fade. I promise. It's happened to me before more than once. I don't know the whole situation, but I do know what you're going through, and it hurts like the dickens. It stings all the way through your body and all the way into your soul. It's hard to breathe, and you feel like your chest is going to explode and your brain is going to cave in. You can't imagine the hurt ever ever going away.

It will. It will leave a scar -- maybe a big scar. And it might even hurt once in a while when it gets chilly, but the pain will fade until it's only noticable once in a blue moon. You have to give it time.

Amber's not the only girl out there...I know she is the center of your world, but she's not the only one...and she's maybe not the one for you.

So in order to help yourself heal, stop peeling off skin and start letting yourself mend. The pain will go away faster...just like using antibiodic ointment. As I said before, start a journal, find something that interests you like walking, running, sports, music, writing, reading...whatever. Find something you like and bury yourself in it for a while, and before you know it you'll start to realize that it doesn't hurt all the time.

Don't bury yourself in something unhealthy though like shooting up or smoking or drinking...because then you will have a whole new pain to deal with...and it will hurt just as bad emotionally, and even worse physically.

Just some words of friendly advice from someone who's been there.

i hate life.. your probably all happy im not dead and **** , but who cares. my granddad died this mornin. my best friend turn on me and took my girlfriend.. what's this **** all about. god sucks..

maybe i do need one of those little journal forum things.. i dunno

This boat is getting mighty full, my friend.

I know... I'm young... and usually young people's opinions don't mean much, but--life does go on.

I know it sucks... for me too. But killing yourself isn't gonna help any. If anything, it's just giving people what they want.

I used to think of killing myself as a sense of revenge... to get back at people, make them feel guilty and responsible. Yeah... that's a really sad way of thinking, I know. I'm messed up like that.

Things look glum now, and not just for you. Don't give up just yet. Stick it out, see what happens.

I've not "really" prayed in 6 months... and yes... there are times when I hate God too... that is, if I do believe in God at the moment. There's a lot to hate about a lot of things.

I don't know if it helps you, but for me, trying to list all the good things really works for me.

Michelle once said this to me, and made me feel a tad better:

I'm feeling the same as you. I know it won't make you feel any better, but I hear misery loves company.

Looking up,

Ashley

I would have commented earlier, but... It's kinda like the blind leading the blind here...

I'm lost too.

J, I've been through the angry stage where I hated God. I was/am on the border now of being angry with him again here lately.

Once in a while, I think I'm okay, and then BAM. It all hits me at once.

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. I lost my grandmother in December, and I darn near lost my daddy two weeks ago to a heart attack. It's a scary world, especially when you're not sure of your purpose or your place...and when you feel like there is no hope to cling to.

Believe me, I completely understand.

I have also been at the verge of suicide. The only thing that stopped me (and I know this is going to sound sick...so sick that it's the very first time I've been able to admit it out loud) is the fact that I couldn't kill my daughter.

Yes, my thoughts got so bad that I literally had it planned out. I was going to kill myself. I don't have a gun...and I didn't want to risk jumping off something and living life as an invalid. So I had a handful of vicodin and some other stuff to take...and I was going to lay in the tub full of water until I fell asleep. I even had weights on my wrists and chest so that I wouldn't float to the top.

But as I started running the bathwater, I thought of my little girl finding me floating dead in the bathtub...and it made me vomit.

And so I thought of doing it the hard way and just driving my car off the side of the highway.

And then I thought about my daughter having to grow up with the same mother that was part of the motivation for my suicide.

So I thought I maybe should take her with me.

And the thought of that made me sob for three days straight. I missed work, turned my phone off, and locked myself up in my house. Didn't get on line, didn't speak to anyone except for my kid (who was downstairs most of the time with my sister because I told her I was sick). And I cried and cried and cried.

Am I a psychotic freak or what???

I don't know where it started, but it just sorta snowballed I think: I lost one of my closest relatives, moved out of my house, got a new job, a new car, and lost touch with most of my friends in a period of four months. Some of those changes were good, and some bad...but it was too much all at the same time, and I cracked, isolated myself from most every one...I went off the deep end.

Then to add to it after I had allready cracked, my mother threatened to have my sister declared mentaly incompetant because she wanted to move in with me, (she is 19 years old for pete's sake, and not even close to mentally incompetant)...I feel responsible for the feelings of all the people in the world including feeling guilty for my own emotions, I completely lost touch with a God I thought I knew well...my whole world feels upside down. I've been single for 5 years with the exception of a two month "relationship" that consisted of nothing but almost sex, and I feel like I'm not a good enough mother for my child.

I'm not trying to bog you down with boring details or outdo your sob story, but I just want you to know that I do understand where you are coming from.

And there is a reason to live. I'm not sure what it is yet, but I know it's there somewhere. It has to be or else what the hell am I doing here?

Do you really think for one minute this was all an accident? Do you really honestly want to tell me that the complex human mind evolved from a single cell? I don't think so. We're here. Maybe for the sole purpose of God's entertainment...but we're here. May as well try to find something to occupy ourselves while we are here...

I know that doesn't sound very hopeful. But I'm trying, and that's the best I can do right now.

Please don't do this to yourself. I really am not one to say look on the bright side...I'd be a hypocrite if I did...but just hang in there...keep your chin above water, and try to find something to keep your mind busy...

And send Allen a private message asking him to set up your personal journal.

He'll make it private or public. Whatever you want.

You can private message me if you want to talk...or if you want to call me, you can ask for my number in a private message...please please please find someone to talk to...I'm not the best pick, but I'm there...as well as the others here who have given their numbers.

I don't have anything to add, just wanted to say hello I tried about 4 hours to find you way over there in Georgia last night, I talked to people in Denver, Kentucky, and maybe even Georgia, but was getting no where It's just good to see you here... I've lost close family members too (both sisters, all my grandparents), my roomate married my girlfriend, blah blah blah, life is the pits some times. ok, mebbe I had a little to add My point is, there are people left here who do care a great deal about you.

Call me if you want to talk.

I just want you to know how happy I was to see your name back on here. I was so worried over you and I am thankful that you are here. You also have my number if you ever need to talk.

God is with you J

I am sorry for all your loss. I know that what I am about to say is not going to sound all that wonderful right now, but just hold onto it for a while and see. I am reminded of a biblcal character who suffered loss. It wasn't an accident or happen-stance, or even just that persons time to go it was punishment plain and simple. You are blessed because you have not caused these things to happen and God did not bring judgement on you. David on the other hand sinned with a woman who was not his wife, got her pregnant and then had her real husband (who revered and served David, he actually slept on the doorstep) murdured! David brought on much suffering to himself through the prophet Nathan. But look at what David did right after!

2Samuel 12:19 David noticed that his servants were whispering among themselves and he realized the child was dead. "Is the child dead?" he asked. "Yes," they replied, "he is dead." [20] Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the LORD and worshiped.

David "Got Up" that means even though he was sad and distraught he KNEW that God was still God in spite of the load of "stuff" that he was going through. I would encourage you to try and worship God right now. It is tough I have no doubt that you are in excruciating pain emotionally. Try it though. Tell Him that you still love him even though you hurt. Tell him all your hurts and release you pain to him and see what he does with it. I can promise that you will enjoy life more if you can give Him your pain and not keep it for yourself. That doesn't mean you will not weep, that doesn't mean that you will start smelling flowers and hear birds suddenly chirping all around you, but you WILL start to heal.

God loves you
I love you
I am praying for you!

J please don't do that. I hope your still here. My heart goes out to you. I am going to pray that god sends you an angel, because you need it the most; right at this time.

J please don't do that. I hope your still here. My heart goes out to you. I am going to pray that god sends you an angel, because you need it the most; right at this time.

Just cheking in J

How are things this week?

God bless ya!

better for the most part. things have cooled off, and I actually got a date tonight. So I guess I'll tell yal about it when I get home tonight.

Well gotta go to school now. Junior/Senior trip is this week so I only have one class, and 9 days to go.

Thank you all for your prayers.