About two and a half years ago a my best friend got married. This was really hard for me because she was the only person I hungout with but I realized she was happy and I thought we all must grow up one day. But there was something wrong and I hate to say this but I didnt think that her getting married was a good idea.

I sometimes felt that her boyfriend didnt treat her right. He always seem to put her down and it made me mad.(I hate it when people put down others) So I shared with her my feelings on the subject. I just told her that she had plenty of time and that she didnt need to rush into anything. She was really in love with him though and it was almost like she was blind and couldnt see what he was doing.

Now they are married and have a baby together. Things are really rocky but she says she is never going to give up.(I am very proud of her for that) The problem is that he keeps telling her to leave or that he is leaveing and he will even get a bag really and leave the house untill really late at night. He puts her down so much that it is lowering her self-esteem more and more every day. I try not to get involved but she calls me wondering what she could say to make things better or how she should deal with things.

But I feel that most of there problem is with his family. They try to tell her how to rasie her child. But her sister-in-law drop of her two kids at her house every weekend so that her and her husband can go do what they want to do. I am not trying to talk about people but I want to help.

I think that the best thing I can do is stay out of the problem but it is so hard to seeing your best friend go though this. I have and still pray for them to come together and work everything out.
I just wish there was something I could do to make her feel better about herself. She is a wonderful, careing person and she needs to feel great about herself.

Porcelain

I'm no specialist on this type thing... so take this as a suggestion.

Personally, I don't think there's much you can do. It's her life. If I were you, I'd just tell her how I feel and let her make up her mind what she wants to do. Most of all, you just need to be there as a friend... Through thick and thin. That is, afterall, what a friend is.

Ditto Ashley. But I would also suggest that you look our for warning signs... I SO hope I am wrong but the first step to abuse is putting someone down mentally My friend's ex - THANK GOD that he is her EX!! - beat her up badly and it started with words................

aleina

I second the above advice...be there for her through thick and thin. Let her know that you are there and back the words up with actions. If you say you are gonna call, call. Is there a time when he is away from the house? Make a house call and help her out with the housework...or just bring lunch one afternoon/dinner one evening. Give her little sincere compliments, but not excessive flattery. Let her know that she is worth loving and that you love her very much. Encourage her when you see something that she is doing right...maybe try to get her involved in a Wednesday night service where they have child care to give her a break.

My guess is that if he is so down on her, he probably isn't much help with their child either...so any break that she gets would be much appreciated.

And as aleina said, watch for the warning signs. Mental/verbal abuse is wrong, and an abuser is an abuser. I have been in an abusive relationship that started verbal, then mental, then physical...neither she nor her child needs to be in that environment. One of these days when he packs his bags to leave, hopefully she will have the courage to lock him out and not let him back in...but in order to have the strength to do that, she must know that she is worth saving and worth loving.

You cannot say anything or do anything that will ever convince her of that...but you can help. Sincere kindness never hurts...and friendship is a big source of strength...especially for someone with such a low self esteem. I don't know if she is a Christian or not, but you may want to do little things for her...you have a printer? Type up an encouraging scripture, print it up on colored paper...draw little designs on it and make a frame for it. Give it to her as a reminder. Not expensive, and a genuine gift from the heart that she can see daily to remind her that there is someone who cares....here on this earth and in heaven.

The most important thing is pray pray pray for her. Pray for her husband that possibly he will see what he is doing and maybe the relationship can turn around...but if not, then pray that she finds the strength and courage to let him go and keep him out. It's tough being a single mom...Not really fun at times, but it's possible. Hopefully the relationship can turn around. God can do anything...but she doesn't need to wait until his abuse turns dangerous to her physically. Mental abuse is dangerous enough...and the lower your self esteem the more dangerous it is.

Well, that's all I gottasay...I'll pray for you both.

Peace and love...keep us updated!

Hey thanks for the insight on how you feel everyone. It helps to know how others feel about certain situations. I will always stand by her and help her out,as much as I can. She has and a always will be a Great friend. It is hard to be in this position because I have always wanted the best for her. (She deserves the best.) I will be on the look out for her but I dont think he would hurt her in anyway. He does love her very much but I think that to many people are trying to tell them how they should live there lives. When know one should do that. They should be albe to do the things they feel is right. But thanks for the help... I feel alot better about the situation.

I will keep you posted --if anything happens.....

Keep praying,

Porcelain20

Look its the guy who can't helpbut throw in his $.02 LOLOLOL

I agree, you didn't allude to whether she was a believer or not but in either case take her a copy of Porverbs 31. It details what her life should look like. (and at this point prayer is the biggest part of it)

It sounds like he/they need "marriage-education" Not counseling but just learning what the Bible says about how to be married. How two must <font color="red">Leave</font> and <font color="blue">Cleave</font> and become one person, each recognizing that they are part of something that is bigger than themselves. I admire her determination and will pray for them both.

There are tons of studies out their if they/she will read them or go to them. I know there are several marriage conferences coming quickly. Family Life (Dennis Rainy) has a conference in Galveston in Feb and in Houston in March. Our Churhc will have one in late may or june. If you need info just email me.

God bless ya