Allen hehe I wouldn't be that honest Telling someone you are attracted to him/her, what does that mean? It implies stuff you shouldn't do before you're married I rather tell him I like his personality; sense of humour, intelligence etc You build a relationship on real feelings, not attraction only... if someone tells me he is attracted to me, I ask him what more he likes about me. Which sometimes brings out this look on that person's face Haha, men

I re-read your post Allen and I have yet to find the question to me you'd be referring to...

And I didn't understand "If it's meant to be it's up to me". Does that mean that you are the one who initiates the relationships, or was that advice to all of us holding our breath for your response...

...anyway...

Looking back over my life, whenever I had an attraction to someone, I always ended up with that person, but it was never on my advances. The only time I ever went first, I married him

Scary thought, eh?

bock bock bock

You make me laugh...

bah

I was in a Christian Bookstore today... saw a book that looked interesting:
"Renters, Buyers, and Freeloaders"
in the "Christian Singles" section. It looked kinda interesting... have you guys read it?

Aleina,

True enough saying attracted to you (COULD) mean body, physique, hair, sexy or any number of things.

Before I'm in a position of telling about my attraction I know the person well enough to know what is inside as well as outside. The most beautiful exterior is not attracting enough if the rest is ugly. A beautiful appearance is nice but things change with time and that changes too. Inner beauty is (hopefully) forever.

For anyone chicken to make the first move, hmmmm. Nobody thrives on rejection and I know it's scary and no fun when it happens. But then the sort of ego that would be destroyed by a "no thanks" needs some work anyhow. I think men and women both are skeptical and nervous about letting their interest be known and for the same or very similar reasons. I've read about lonliness and such here. Well, y'all lonely and possible rejection are both painful. Only we can stop the pain.

Not everbody clicks, so what. A "let's be friends" or "I don't think of you as a partner" unless you're looking to get hitched in the next 24 hours isn't that big a deal. Beside don't you want to be friends before you're more? Who says once they see what a great person you are they won't change their mind? Think on it. In the meantime, MERY CHRISTMAS and a NEW YEAR filled by Joy, Love and Peace.

Allen you can't be serious can you? BOCK BOCK BOCK

But of course... and Mr Right might be as well



</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by UnconventionalKrisChen:
For anyone chicken to make the first move, hmmmm. Nobody thrives on rejection and I know it's scary and no fun when it happens. But then the sort of ego that would be destroyed by a "no thanks" needs some work anyhow. I think men and women both are skeptical and nervous about letting their interest be known and for the same or very similar reasons. I've read about lonliness and such here. Well, y'all lonely and possible rejection are both painful. Only we can stop the pain.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Exactly Kris, great post

Well, what the heck...I guess at the next opportunity, I'll go first...

Bah, concentrate on your possible Mrs Right and let me worry about my stuff

Well, it's not the ego that's crushed Kris... Loving someone when he/she doesn't love you back is just painful. Unconditional love is so much harder for humans - lucky us that it's much easier for God

Amen to that Aleina...I can feel your pain...been there done that and have the scars to show..but ya know what I'm a better person for it..and a heck of a lot smarter ...unconditional love, when it is one sided, sets you up to being used in a relationship because you let your emotions control your thoughts/actions...and well unfortunately people will use you if you let them...but they can only do what you allow them to do...anyway..that's my spill...and I look at it as a stepping stone to something far better...cause He is in control...hope everyone had a wonderful day...mine was grrrreeeaatt..and I'm soooo stuffed!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by aleina:
Well, it's not the ego that's crushed Kris... Loving someone when he/she doesn't love you back is just painful. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">exactly, aleina.

I'm sorry if anybody thought I was making light of the pain felt due to love not being returned. I certainly can empathize or sympathize with that. I'ts no easier for men than women. What I have noticed in my own personal experience is that for some reason, what was the attraction in one case followed in others. I guess I was determined to make it work with somebody just like..... Well, it doesn't work and so I needed to find somone different. I start very slow and casual. I pay close attention to body language and how others are treated by the l'object d'amour. Words can say anything we may want to hear but actions and body language say much more . Before I allow my heart to start feeling I try hard to make sure that logic and objectivity are present. Because once the heart gets involved they go out the window.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Before I allow my heart to start feeling I try hard to make sure that logic and objectivity are present. Because once the heart gets involved they go out the window </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">See...this is where I get hung up. I can "rationalize" myself out of any relationship by looking for that one thing that could thwart it.

What I have decided to do over the last few days of reading over this thread, is to make my "desires" known to God. (as if He somehow didn't already know) and then leave the rest up to His will. If by His plan, two people are supposed to be together, then logic and objectivity have no authority over that.

I have seen Him put two people together that didn't want to be, how much easier is it for two that do?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by embie:
[QUOTE]See...this is where I get hung up. I can "rationalize" myself out of any relationship by looking for that one thing that could thwart it.

What I have decided to do over the last few days of reading over this thread, is to make my "desires" known to God. (as if He somehow didn't already know) and then leave the rest up to His will. If by His plan, two people are supposed to be together, then logic and objectivity have no authority over that.

I have seen Him put two people together that didn't want to be, how much easier is it for two that do? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Embie, with all do respect, the key word in your first paragraph is COULD. Death could twart the relationship too. Difference is, one is going to happen (death). As for all others, could is what they are. Being abusive, alcoholic, a cheater, a liar, COULD thwart a relationship and hopefully if these are known nobody would even consider giving it a shot. Leaving his socks and underware on the floor, burping or otherwise passing gas, drinking out of the milk carton and the leaving it on the counter could thwart a relationship. However, these are things that can be changed. It should be something that is discussed while happening and let known to bother us. If the person doesn't respect us enough to stop or change little things like that then it'sa a bad bet to begin with. Could and if are probably the two biggest words in the dictionary, when not properly used they can be downright paralyzing. Stop being so analytical and realize, the rest of the world will never meet up to your expectations of it but that you can rise above it. If everything isn't perfect the world and you will still go on. Lighten up a little and on yourself too.

Dang, where's Allen's chicken when you need it? You're right Embie, he does know your desires. He also knows when it matters enough to you, you will do something about them. Another rationalization, if God wants me to be with somone he'll cause it. If not, po little me will just be doomed to a lifetime of lonliness. I'll have to take no responsibility for the way my life is, it's God's will. Man, there are times to let go and let God and there are times to use the free will he so wisely and graciously gave us.

True, getting two together that want to be would be easier than two who don't want to be together. Of course for God, if being a Yenta was his thing either would be equally as simple for him. Just because two want to be together doesn't mean they should be just like two who don't want to be together shouldn't be. There are no guarantees and that's just the way it is. So beyond never leaving our homes, everything is taking a chance. Even that could be dangerous, fire, earthquake, robbery, drive by shooting etc. I'm not trying to be flip about your very legitimate concerns nor trying to make light of your feelings. It's just that you seem an intelligent and good person with a lot to give and that needs too. Darn shame to not do anything about it. It's one of the things that makes me an Unconventional Christian with free will I along with God have th choice of deciding and defining what my life is. Leaving everything up to his will I see as a cop out. If I fall I fall, not God's will my mistake. If I make it, THANK YOU JESUS. Of course avoidance is a valid choice too.

No sir to everything except this...

It's just that you seem an intelligent and good person with a lot to give


J/K UKC...I appreciate your points. I will be doing alot of pondering these next few dayz.

well? what did you come up with?

Here's one to discuss... what about your married friends? They want you to come over and sit at home with them.... every weekend "The girls are going out shopping, so we're gonna hang at the house".

Well, if that's where the girls are going, then I'm going shopping too

I love hanging out at the house with my family and my friends, but good lands! I'll be as old as embie and still single if I do it as much as they want me too... they're already married.. they don't wanna go anywhere.. "But I've got a million kids and this weekend we're celebrating 3 of their birthdays and next weekend 4 more and 2 the weekend after that... come hang out with us... we'll bbq".

ok, it's one nephew/niece birthday a month, and tell me before it starts please... and no, I really can't hang at the house friday and saturday night unless the one God has for me is delivering pizza nowadays

I'm gonna kick your aging single butt so all you can do is sit home on Friday and Saturday nights...

and in the meantime, I'll be out with my beau, working on my goals...

...now,

oops, I mean...say sorry...

ok...back to topic...

Most of my friends are married. My best friend and her husband go out often and I sometimes join them. The problem is that they are not Christians. While I am sure that I can go out and have fun without losing my witness, I also need to be aware of the appearances as well.

Aside from my parents, I don't have many relatives that are around, so even those family gathering things are limited.

Sadly, I have more married friends that would like to trade places with me and be single again. I guess it all goes back to wanting what you don't have...

Maybe I'll have to get a job at a hospital...then my opportunities will be increased like Allen's are...

bah..

I like going out with my married friends, but usually they wanna sit at home