OK, you guys that are getting married in the next coupla months, don't even respond, we really don't wanna hear another "ain't love grand " post, at least not in this thread..



OK, now that I've ticked a few off, those that are left.. what does it "singleness" and being a Christian mean to you? What do you do for fun? Where do you go? How do you handle the "no sex before marriage" issue - it stinks, but we are supposed to not do it, aren't we? What are your views on going to movies, pool halls, clubs, etc....

To quote some brothers of ours, "I've got questions and more questions, does anybody have any answers?"

Well, I'm gonna just be blunt and adress the first issue that comes to mind and that would be the whole "no sex" thing. It sucks...yeah, it really does. I'm not trying to sound ... um... well, whatever and I really understand why we're not supposed to DO IT...Been there, did that and have plenty to show for it and only one good thing out of all of it (which is my daughter). But those hormones, man they are something else. And sometimes it just really seems unfair that God would have given you such a strong physical feelinig and no moral way to "take care of it". I'm really not trying to make anyone blush here, but it really weighs heavy on my mind (or something), and you can blame it on Allen because he asked. And that's what I think about that.

Having said that, I will say that being single is good in some ways because I'm not having to worry about anyone else's immediate needs besides mine and those of my daughter's. Two people's laundry and dishes and toys add up fast enough...and I am greatful that I at least don't have to worry about coming home and catering to someone else and asking how their day was. On the other hand, guys aren't much for talk, so maybe it wouldn't be so bad...we could just go make out after work or something. (just kidding) Seriously, another person's emotional needs would be too much for me to deal with right now because I have a hard enough time dealing with my own.

And there is the whole "getting to know God" better side of it. I am not near as close to Him as I need to be, and I really don't think that having someone else to spend my attention and affection on would help me get closer to God...


I really don't have any answers for anyone...I'm not an expert at being single...sometime's I'm glad I'm single and perfectly content where I am, but alot of times I am really lonesome and long for a family. I've allready got one started...it would be nice to add one or two more members to it.

About movies...they are not really a great way to meet people, but once you know someone I think they are at least a good ice breaker (if you go to the right type of movie). There's not much stress during the movie about "what am I going to say???" You're just sitting there and don't have to make conversation, and then you have something to talk about afterwards...

But not too good for getting to know someone either...

Honestly...about the pool halls and the clubs and similar places -- I don't think you are going to meet the kind of mate that you should want to be with at a pool hall or a bar or a club. Yeah, there is a slim chance that there is another Chrisitan single out there at one of those places just innocently doing the same thing that you are doing...but it's not likely. It's good to go there in groups and witness, but not so good for meeting "the one".

You may or may not meet anyone at the church that you go to, and it's not really a good thing to change churches just because no one in your church is your potential future mate. That would be like making church just a singles bar...

I guess you're not really supposed to LOOK. When God is ready for you to meet someone, He'll put them in your path somehow...

I'm not much for the dating scene. I don't want trial and error...been there did that too. I just want to settle down with one person...

That's not to say that if I ever do date someone and think that they are not the one that I will marry them anyway, but I do believe in putting an end to it then and there before it gets any further...no playing around. Waste of my time and emotion...if you're not the one, you're not the one...and we can be friends, but I'm gonna be honest and up front about it.

That probably scares alot of people away, but then again there's someone out there that isn't going to be scared off by that...and he will stick around through the rough times and the fun times...

Maybe.

Like I said, I have no answers, just oppinions, feelings, frustrations, and hopes...

Not really sure what being a Christian single "means to me" besides the fact that it really is a good opporitunity to witness to other singles...a couple years ago we had a women's retreat and we watched a video...the woman speaker was single, and she echoed my feelings exactly when she said, "I'm sick and tired of hearing 'hold out' and 'it's worth the wait' from a woman who has a nice pair of thighs to go home and cuddle up to."

So coming from a single person (who has at least managed to hold out for a couple years -- and not by my own power) that it is very very very very tough but possible to not settle for second best than what God has for you...well, that could be a testimony to help someone hang in there who otherwise might teeter off the edge. God can use you -- single -- as a living testimony...and sometimes that seems like the short end of the stick when you see others who God has blessed with seemingly happy marriages right in front of your faces...but I guess He's da boss and He knows what He's doing.

Sometimes (and I know that doesn't sound really reverent) that's all I have to hold on to...sometimes it seems like enough and sometimes it doesn't.

I know alot of you older singles out there read this and say "oh please, you are young and you have plenty of time, blah blah blah...just take a few years and grow up."

I've heard it before...and frankly I'm tired of hearing it...because until you walk in my shoes you won't know that I feel like one of the oldest 23 year olds I know. I know I'm not the only one who has ever felt that way, but I still feel that way nonetheless...

And that's as honest as I can be.

Whew!! I don't think I have a lot of helpful advice Except maybe some "Don'ts" and heck like Forever said she is sick of hearing those.

Hey Forever and anyone else. The sex thing, Single and abstinant is about three million times easier if you have never had sex than if you have. It is like telling a child that he must stay out of the ice cream in the freezer, he is gonna do ok til he tries some at a friends house... I know that isn't the greatest example but just trust me if you haven't, don't your life will be less screwed up than say mine for example. If you have crossed that bridge, hang in there! Unfortunately society is not here to help! Society has set you up for failure and all you can do is get with God and fight it with the best of your ability! And no matter if you make it through or if you blow it and repent, God is gonna love you anyway. I am living proof!!!!!

God bless ya!

So NOW he tells me that it's a whole lot easier not to do it if you have never done it...

You are so right...I really only did it the first time out of curiosity and the need to feel accepted and loved...I thought it would sortof "seal" the relationship and that we would be together forever, yaddayaddayadda. It really wasn't the fact that the physical urge was so strong that I just couldn't control myself...

But now...!!*!&@^#%$#~{:<'!!!

I purposefully avoid situations that would make me...ummm...well, I'm trying really hard to be politically correct and not embarass anyone, and this is a really touchy edgy subject that's really hard not to offend people so I'm just going to end the sentance there and you either get what I'm saying or you don't.

I don't even watch many movies that would put you "in the mood". I don't go out or date...I don't listen to that freaky "knockin da boots" music... I try to steer clear of anything that would make me think impure thoughts or have any kind of urges whatsoever...Yes, it probably sounds prude of me, but I have to or else I go bonkers. Cause it just takes a little thought...just one little passing thought, and it's almost impossible not to dwell on that thought once it's there. And then you've allready sinned.

So you don't want to drag anyone else into it and make an even bigger sin, and you sit there miserable and...well, all hot and bothered to be blunt. Geeze I must sound like some sort of wierdo...and it's pretty embarassing to admit stuff like this, but I know I'm not the only one who goes through it so I guess it's not really a big deal...

I'm just venting now and not really helping the discussion here, so I'm going to end the post here and let anyone follow up with their thoughts...

I just wanna say that I can't back up what Steve said with any more enthusiasm...if you haven't yet, then don't. Because once you start, it's not really that easy not to do it again...

And avoid situations where you are alone much with someone you are attracted to...that just leads to t-r-o-u-b-l-e.

[ 01-19-2002: Message edited by: foreverchanged ]

I always wondered if I could slide by on the fact that the rule is "no sex before marriage" Heck, I've been married, so is that my green light????

Seriously, and Steve and his wife will vouche for it, cos they have heard me whine over and over... NO SEX SUX

Plain and simple. And Steve is right, not knowing what you're missing is faaaar easier that missing what you know.

And along with that I have sooo many other issues surrounding lust...cos if we're being frank, these are my peak years, and I feel that they are being sooo wasted

I'm sorry that you don't wanna hear it Michelle, but the fact of the matter is the chances of Christian woman my age marrying again are far less than a woman of your age. So please know that it is with total love that I say... STAND IN LINE

I want to remarry, I LOVED being married. Until the last year of our marriage it was wonderful. And I know that I said this before in another thread (how far is too far) but I miss the intimacy. I miss relating and sharing.

I'm not going to say that I dwell on this, but it is in the forefront of my mind.

It's very difficult to go out to places for fun. First off, almost all of my friends are married, so they have responsibilities. Second, Michelle is right when she says that some of the really fun places that I would go...shooting pool, clubs, etc, most likely won't find someone Christian that you'd like to spend the rest of your life with.

I'm afraid it comes down to friends introducing you to other friends, and maybe God's hand will be in that.

The whole dating thing is soo bizarre to me. It feels like high school...is this the one, does he like me, I hate it actually. For me, (and any other single mom out there) it's doubly hard cos it's not just our lives we have to worry about wrecking I have two great kids that deserve a great guy. That seems to be my biggest problem...

what I think about this topic --->


what does it "singleness" and being a Christian mean to you?
Uhmmm to be alone with God? The bond between a man and a woman is unique and to share that bond with God - WOW!! It also means I can travel all around the world to meet friends, I have only myself to consider most of the time, I can look forward to possibly meeting some nice Christian men

What do you do for fun?
Go to a sports game, meet my friends, go to a pub, go to concerts, have dinner with former coworkers, meet my sister, chat with my long-distance-friends


Where do you go?
I've had my share of nights at clubs and discos in the past... Fortunately my friends got fed up with it at the same time as I did LOL So now we go to a pub and listen to music, have a coffee at the shopping center (BEST coffee latte there is!!), go to a sports game or just spend endless hours online chatting

How do you handle the "no sex before marriage"
Let's say I could have done it if I wanted to... but something kept me back and I am so thankful for that! I don't see it as 'waiting' though. I won't, and I can't, do it before I found someone I really really love and who loves me the same way. To some people sex is important so they do it as much as possible... to others it's so important that they wait for marriage. To me it's about respect - both for yourself and your partner - and the oportunity to share something special that you won't ever (hopefully) share with someone else!

What are your views on going to movies, pool halls, clubs, etc....
Sweden is rather liberated so I don't see a problem with any of those things. However, I don't think it's good to watch too many action movies or movies with a lot of profanity and immorality. Pool - love it! Clubs? Don't have a problem with it, but don't enjoy it that much.


About dating... I prefer meeting friends' friends and get to know him before we start dating. My mom says I am way too picky and that my standards are way to high It's just that I almost always know if it's worth spending time on someone or not. I am looking for someone with similar interests but so far not much luck :-/ And THAT sucks!!


aleina

Embie, if we're going on your odds, I could just as easily say you've allready had your turn, now step aside and let someone else try!

We still haven't heard anything but questions from the man who started this whole thread...Well...let's hear it!! What's your take on the issue...???

Thanx, Michelle, you're right...

I tried and failed...

I didn't mean it like that...just trying to make light...

Dating is like foreign policy....
VERY fragile and very hostile at times. I have had my fair share of rejections and what not. But aside from that, being single does have a few drawbacks. For one thing you kinda feel like you have no one to just talk to at times..about anything. But that's what God is for right? But then again, I have never been officially in a dating relationship. I have found alot of happiness in being single, however. BUT- I am still looking!! *nudge nudge, wink wink, hint hint*
Have a Coast Guard day!
-Brian

PS- I have discovered that my uniform attracts girls...why is this?????

That's ok Michelle, somewhere, I think Someone pretty cool said..."an eye for an eye", eh?

Never meant to allude to anything negative toward you in my post, sorry if it was taken the wrong way. I apologize.

That being said...

Anyone know a 23 y.o. single dude (for Michelle)with a 43 y.o. single dad (for moi)?

Christian of course, we can work on the rest...

I have 2 brothers...

I'll post on this once I am back after coffee...

Being christan and single is difficult. Its hard to find someone who has the same values as you. Everyone gets tempted, but if you respect your self, you know your doing the right thing. I wish that I had someone just like the rest of you who are hopeing and praying. I just turned 24 today, I wanted this B-day to be different. In someways it was different in someways the same. One of these days I will find someone who God wants me to find. I just wish he would do it know, I not getting any younger.

Quoting myself here LOL Ok I have met some men with similar interests but there is always something that ruins it... Like this guy in class today; very nice and way cute but how old was he? Not a day over 20 And if it isn't age, it's smth else... augh!!

Brandi, ditto to what you said!

Allen, your coffee break is how many hours long now? LOL

aleina

I got busy moving furniture in my bedroom, but that'a another thread

I could say I don't struggle with that stuff, that I enjoy every minute of... ummm.. :cough: I mean... every hour of it, but I'd be mostly lieing (Reminds me of something white-dog said that was hilarious, but it was an accident and I can't repeat it here : p )

I think I've had more practice at this single thing than any of ye, and I can tell you it's not much different I guess. I do believe it's ok for people to change churches if the one they attend really doesn't have anyone suitable. Face it, for most of is, we attend the church we attend because our parents go there. Not because God told us that was the church to go to - I believe now I made that mistake myself. I stayed at the church I grew up in probably way too long. I love the people there, but they had stagnated long ago, there were no other singles to speak of, and yet I believed God would tell someone else to leave their church and come to mine because I didn't think it was right for me to leave just so I could meet someone. heheheh... I think we weave lots of "God saids" so we don't have to get out of our comfort zone.

I am in a church now where I believe God wants me. I get to contribute in a meaningful way and lots of unbelievers/"seekers" attend with many of them accepting Christ as their personal Savior. Unfortunately I am at an age where I am kinda "in between", a little too old for most of the singles/never marrieds and a little too young for most of the now-divorced-and-looking. Lots of people attend there (with more every week), I think I'll probably meet someone eventually, certainly sooner than if I had stayed at my old church.

Sex before marriage, bah, never been a problem heheh.. it bytes I tells ya. Being only human, I know God knows where my weaknesses are in this area. The best measure here is avoiding situations where you know it will be a problem. It's been a good while since I've had the opportunity to have a situation to avoid, but I do struggle with lust as much or more than most people. Not sure if it's the age I am going through, or if it's because Satan knows my weaknesses and exploits them when possible. God did make some beautful Texas women tho... / hehehehe

I like going to clubs - I love to dance, tho I rarely get the opportunity to go now-a-days. I don't have a problem with drinking, I have been drunk once in my life and it was with some good Christian girls I rarely drink, but in moderation, have no problem with someone who does. My brother Jerry and I go to the local pool hall (place called Fast Eddies) it's pretty new, not extremely smoky, and we've been there enough the people there know us by name now. We don't drink there, don't cuss, and are friendly to the staff, tipping well for our Diet Cokes. Doors should open before long for witnessing.... light unto the world, Someone once said.

Lemme see, I love movies, tho they are terrible choices for the first date or 2... little opportunity for communication. Dinner or lunch is much better, even if a bit more awkward, as you do have time to talk then and decide if there's gonna be another date.

OK, did I press a few buttons, tick someone off? Lemme have it, I may have more to say tomorrow if dat's ok....

You're right about movies...fun to talk about afterwards, but not so good when you are just trying to get know someone. (Altho I do think you can find out alot about a person by how they view life situations on film...) but I would save those for later.

Dinner's cool, but hold the spaghetti . I like to do fun stuff like smashing crabs, then at least you are both a mess

OK...brass tacks...my biggest fear is that the NSBM thing will become such an issue that when I do go out with someone that I am really attracted to, that I will throw all of my values right out the window at the first opportunity.

Am I the only one who fears this? I try so hard to "avoid" the risky situations (in fact I have been known to avoid "all" situations on occasion ) I talk a good game with my girlfriends and even close guy friends, but when it comes down to it, I think I use my Christianity to sometimes avoid a relationship, period. The thing I want the most is the thing I think I fear the most...

Did someone mention running?

Couch please...

Dating is like foreign policy.... *nudge nudge, wink wink, hint hint*

I'm foreign... wanna try your politics on me? ROFLOL J/K I HAD TO POST THAT

Feeling attracted to someone and actually being ready to do it is at least for me two separate things. I can find a man hottt without wanting to really make those fantasies come true...

You hit the nail there Allen with the church. I still haven't found my place

Movie isnt that bad depending on what type of movie you are going to. I'd prefer a comedy because I love men with a sense (ok the same sense as I have LOL) of humor. And then if you feel comfortable, you can have dinner afterwards

No you didn't tick me off and you didn't press any buttons - try again Allen

Embie: Unfortunately we can't avoid ALL situations if we want to meet someone... I's tricky...

aleina

European women are such prudes...



It's rather easy to turn it down if you're as clueless about clues/hints as I have been in the past - I didn't even know I was rejecting what should have been obvious advances.

What are your thoughts regarding blind dates?

Going out with people even if you don't see it going anywhere, but they wanna date anyways?

I thought prude was good!?

Actually the prudes are a minority in Sweden and in Europe :-/

Ah so it's called it now LOL

Blind date? Yikes, nooo! Date anyway even if not really interested? Depends on who it is... It might be fun, or it might be a waste of time! Although, if he's paying.....

Blind dates have got to be THE scariest thing on the planet (at least for moi )

Someone always has the "perfect" date for you and then you meet the person and they may be nice enough, but soooo not you. Good intentions I guess.

I'm not opposed to blind dates, but they are not at the top of my list of ways to meet people. I'd rather I met them in a group situation than one on one.

Going out with folks just cos, is cool. There may not be a spark there, but you may end up making a good friend. That's always a great thing.

I have called people to just go hang out places and it was a blast. Maybe it's because there are no expectations so that means no pressure. Not sure about that...but there isn't anything wrong for two people who just wanna go out to hook up.

There might be those out there who would say that your time is being spent on the wrong person, but I don't see it like that. God's gonna send along the right one in His time... And who knows, maybe while you're out with the wrong one, you might meet the right one