LOL Allen...it is a little funny now, but it was a huge blow to my self esteem then...

What's too mushy for the fist few dates? Hmm...gotta think on that one for a sec...

Romance and being romantic is very subjective. There doesn't have to be anything on a grand scale, you can find something special in even the smallest of things.

Many very romantic experiences were already mentioned. There are so many. I like anything to do with the ocean. The sound of the wind and the waves.

What I think is more important is how long the romance remains. Often we get caught up in the passion of the moment and the bar is set for the rest of the relationship. When that excitement begins to level off, you think that something is wrong, that there must always be that rush you felt in the beginning when everything was so new.

When I was away over the Christmas break, I went to a photographer's gallery. He shot only black and white and his work was amazing. There was one photo that I will never get out of my mind. It made me tear up it was so awesome. It was a shot from behind of a very elderly couple, naked, running hand in hand right into the ocean. Even thinking of it now brings back all of those emotions. I think that's what I'm looking for. Someone to grow old with that will love me like that.

about mushy...

Gosh...it's been so long, I don't think anything would be too mushy right now...

argghh.. as if they didn't have enough wrinkles...

ok, I am talking about early in the dating relationship...

flowers on first date - romantic, or suspicious?
same with candy
etc...

If someone brought me flowers on the first
date I would, I would, I would...

well, not that, but it would be a nice start to the date. I have a weakness for flowers.

Once someone brought just "stuff" for my kids for while we were gone, snacky things. I thought that was cool and very thoughtful...

It's an ice breakerwhen someone brings a gift, and I wouldn't think it too odd.

I think she was still on the "how important is romance" question...

Well, since I'm with embie, and it's been so long anyway...I guess I'll just use my imagination...

Hmmm flowers on a first date are polite...not really suspicious, but not really romantic.

Candy is not really such a good idea unless you allready know she likes a particular type...

Chivalry is always sweet, but some chicks feel put down by that...Myself, I like it when someone opens doors for me, waits to be seated until I am seated...but don't go too far like pulling my chair out for me and all that...

I think the first few dates shouldn't really be about romance unless the to "datees" are people who have been long time friends and allready are past the friendly part of the relationship.

The first few dates should be about being yourself and getting to know each other...a guy trying to prove how romantic he is to me on the first few dates is very suspicious...does he have nothing more to offer me? Talk...ask me questions about myself and answer questions I ask with more than one word...laugh, whatever...be yourself so that if I don't like who you are we can both save ourselves the disappointment later when we find out that we've been dating an act...

make any sense at all?

Slightly...

Any more positive maybes out there?

Amen to that!!

Mush level? Uh... low? I think it's better to avoid the whole flowers/chocolate deal and go for something else like a CD or movie tickets etc

This one guy I dated about 10 years ago bought me flowers on one of our first dates. Had to give them to my mom, otherwise I would have sbeezed throughout the entire date... Then he bought me a bracelet with my name and his initial engraved on it. I couldn't wear it because it gave me a bad rash. And for my birthday he gave me a mirror! Yikes, I felt like he was watching me so after I dumped him I threw away that mirror.....

*rereads post* Uh I'm gonna stay away from this topic since I am clearly not qualified to answer these questions ROFLOLOLOL!!!



aleina

Still... I'm wondering why Allen is asking all these questions and he doesn't answer them himself...?

ROFL...

Aleina, I think you are a riot!

Anyway, re: Allen

He's either compiling all of our answers to write his "Pitfalls to Avoid in Dating" book.

Or he's gathering up resourses for his next big date

Next year's best-selling book: "Dating for Dummies" by Allen Ayres

ROTFLOLOL

I think he is doing research; you could be right about the date Embie - is there smth you haven't told us Allen???

aleina

That book is actually pretty good

I have to say that in all of my 5 years of attempting to date a girl, I have not been successful yet. Not one time I have tried to figure out what was wrong and why no one would date me, but just this year I've come to realise that God will send them when it's time

-Brian

research....

OK, more back on topic.

Do you participate in a "singles" program/group at your church? What do they do for activities? What's the average age there and are the men/women ratio fairly even?

We have one at ccc with some great people involved. They do quite a bit of cool things: canoeing, travel, parties, etc... and there are quite even in their m:w ratio. The main reason I don't participate is that it's a mostly older crowd. It seems to me we are really losing the 18-35 year old singles crowd.. they are falling through the cracks. Not sure what to do about it...

Well, I obviously can't say much about that topic, because I haven't participated much in any singles ministry...I miss doing things with Stand as we used to do...just simple stuff like dinner and a movie, or the big stuff like One Day.

But what alot of people don't understand is that it's different being a christian single parent that it is just being a christian single. Most guys my age are not ready for a "package family". They want to start their own family...not pick up someone else's. I dont want to go off and whine about the hardships of being a single mother because nobody wants to hear it...I am blessed that at least I don't have to worry about splitting custody with somebody...arguing about who gets her when.

But it's tougher for me to just pack up one weekend and go off on a hiking trip or go skiing or whatever. One, money is a big factor...and secondly, there is the child to consider. And you don't wanna bring her to every dinner and a movie because not everyone appreciates having to keep up with a little 4 yr old while they are trying to watch a movie...and of course she isn't going to want to sit with mommy while she is there...

Maybe it will be a little easier when she gets a little older, but that seems like such a long ways away...so social activities are pretty tough for me sometimes. Even church on Wednesdays that starts at 6 or 7...

It's not just me coming home and getting ready for church. It's me coming home from work, washing the days worth of dishes, picking up the days worth of toys, picking up the days pile of clothes, straightening out the days worth of mess, bathing the kid (since it seems an impossible request to have her ready for when I get home...if they do, she's wearing something like a pink dress with orange stockings and play shoes with dirt inside that get her stockings all dirty...her hair half wet and her fingernails still with the days dirt/finger paint/playdoh under them...) So to pick up where I left off, bathe the kid fix her hair, dress her...oh wait! I haven't even thought about supper yet. I can wait till after church, but she can't! So I have to fix a snack, change her clothes again because she insists on wiping her hands on her clothes instead of her napkin and then get myself ready...or I could always just go everywhere in my scrubs....which is what I usually end up doing.

So since the church around the corner started at 6 and I got off at 5:30, it took me a good hour and a half to do everything I needed to do, it's allready 7 o'clock. So I have the choice to walk in at the end of the service and be frustrated and a little embarassed or go to the church across town....and end up doing the same thing. Walk in as the service is almost over.

There's always the social activities afterwards...dinner and all, but by then, the kid is tired and cranky and beligerant and so supper is no fun at all because I'm so worried about keeping her quiet so that everyone else can enjoy themselves that I'd be less stressed just keeping her at home and putting her to bed.

So at the end of the night I have 1/4 of a sermon (the tail end fourth at that) no worship service, and a headache from trying so hard to be on time and trying to make sure that she stays out of everyone's way...Not to mention that I look like crap with my hair pulled back and no makeup and in my work clothes and by the time I get home it's 10pm and time to put her to bed, take a shower, finish the load of clothes, sit down and try to relax for a few minutes so I can make it to bed by midnight and be up by 6 the next morning and start over again.

Not much room there for socializing and "meeting people".

Someone said, "it feels like high school" on here. I think it was Embie?

Well, let me be the first to back that up! High school sucks! Dating is only a massive popularity contest. And then you do that stupid immature ask out by getting your best friend to do it, or write them a note "Circle yes or no."


And then even when your not dating (Whatever that means when your only mode of transportation is a bike) it's like everyone is drooling over each other. I often find myself feeling awkward because I have no romantic feelings for anyone! I'm sure the feeling is mutual at the moment (farting and all ). I don't want to be in a relationship for the sake of the relationship like everyone else. I want someone that I can actually talk to and not have them thinking about the Malcolm in the Middle theme song. I want someone without facial hair (I mean, what are boys thinking? It's like teenagers trying to be men!), who can make me laugh, and doesn't want in my pants. That pretty much leaves me with no one. If it's not one thing it's another. Something always ruins my feelings for people. I was telling my friend Tammy that maybe I should lower my standards. Wait--Don't tell me. You're only in high school. You've got your whole life ahead of you. Just wait until college. I know, I know... I've heard it before. It'd just be nice to have someone I can relate to, hang out with, and have silly teenager butterflies for.

As far as what I do for fun since I'm "single"... Nothing. I do what I've always done. Hang out with my mom. <img src="graemlins/wavey.gif" border="0" alt="" />

And sex... I don't really have the desire. I hear all the girls at school talking about it and they way they describe it, it just sounds like a bunch of wild animals jumping on top of eachother. No thanks, I'll keep my clothes on.

Good points Ashley Some of that stuff gets better, some doesn't, some you like because it doesn't get better... you'll figure out which once you get there...

And that's all I have to say about that

What else bugs you about singleness, motherhood, and Christianity forever? My brother has 3 ankle-biters and it amazes me he is able to do what he does when he takes care of them (He has full custody of the 2 older ones and gets the younger one often). They are quite rambunctious as little boys are, but that is always understood that they are young boys when they are around, noise happens For those who get bothered by little ones making noise during dinner, etc, they need to walk a few miles in jerry's or your shoes and mature a little themselves. That's to say, when you can, bring them with you... if nothing else, they give us something to talk about when I am boring everyone with another movie review

Anyways, do any of you guys have programs/services/etc that meet you where you are in life? I mentioned it some in my previous thread...

Perhaps I'm not as good with managing my time as he is...or possibly I just haven't figured it all out yet. I know I'm not the only single parent...and some people have it a whole lot worse, so I always feel guilty when I get frustrated about being a single parent.

I do think it will be a little easier when she starts school because right now my sister watches her when I'm at work, and so she is (understandably so) reluctant to watch her for me if I want or need to do anything that would require a babysitter. She's very gracious about it...she watched her for me last night while I went to the movies...cost me 20 bucks (MAN, now I REALLY feel jipped!!!$^@#*) But it would be much more expensive if I had to put her in daycare for all that time that I'm in work...

So once she gets in school (I plan to put her in a private school with an after school program), I won't feel quite so guilty about asking Elisabeth to watch her once in a while...

Now that I've moved out of the house it is a little easier too, because I dont have to worry about feeling guilty every time I leave the house (whether it's with or without her). I feel so much less pressure now that I'm out of the house...some of it is still there, and it raises it's ugly head once in a while, but overall I am much more relaxed. I feel better about myself, and I am more at peace. Orginization works wonders.

I guess the main thing that bothers me about being a Christian single mother is basically what I stated above...there are not many Christian guys within my age range (that I have met anyway) that really want a ready made family. They want to start a family of their own.

Granted, if my future husband wants to have a kid of our own, I will have one more...I would completely understand if that's what he wanted...but most of them want to start from scratch...(or at least that's how it seems).

The only people I seem aproachable to is guys who are allready divorced with a few kids...and I am not in the position to take on a bunch of other kids to take care of...and unless God just really SHOVES me in that direction, I really don't want to marry someone who has allready been married. I don't have anything against them...but I guess I sortof wanna start from scratch too...so it's a little my expectations/the expectations of the single guys out there that don't match up. (if any of that makes any sense)

I'm also torn between wanting to spend as much time with her as I can and feeling the need to go out and have a social life...

The Christian part factors in because I have to be much more picky about the type of guy I end up with. If I were just looking for a guy, I have met several that probably would have been great husbands...wonderful fathers...and there were some sparks/attraction between us...but I wouldn't let it get any farther than friendship because they were not Christian guys. It wasn't that I was trying to meet them...the cafe was a much easier place to meet people my age than my past two previous jobs...

But the man who I marry, the top most important above all else requirement is that he has to be devoted to God. I don't expect him to be any more perfect than I am...but He has to make his Christian walk a priority. Other wise, the relationship isn't getting to second base.

Since I don't get to go alot of places (by my own choice) I don't meet a variety of people...therefore my choices are nonexistant at the present time.

God has it that way for a reason...but it gets a little discouraging sometimes. Especially when you see people around you "hooking up" and going out and having fun...I feel like I sorta skipped that part of my life.

But I've allready said most of that before and all I got was "use this time to get close to God" which I am trying to do, and "you are young, he will come along" which I understand too...but it just gets monotonous hearing it because I usually only talk about it when I'm asked...

I was reading back in girl world from when I first started posting...my attitude was so much different. Wish I could find that attitude again...full of confidence, ready and resigned to wait however long it takes to meet the one that God has for me...

I know deep down that the day will come when it comes...but time seems to drag sometimes.

As I said, I allready have the responsibility of being home every day after work and being a housemom rather than going out and hanging out wiht friends...It would be nice to have a "family" to go home to...but I understand that is a ways up the road.

That was a long enough ramble session...ugh!

I meant I am amazed single parents get as much done as they do. My bro never was a good time manager, but he has had some practice with these boys (they are 3, 7, and 8) - the ones he has are in school, so I imagine that helps, plus a lot of the time he is off and has time to himself after they get in school.. He's still late most everywhere... everywhere but the kids' school and his work - a selective late person I have a hard time getting myself ready for work, I can't imagine having to wake, feed, and dress another 1-2 little bodies in that same time

What does it mean to be single?
Well I don't know. . .I don't even know what to clasify my situation. Those of you who know give me some helpful advice (that means you too Allen ).

Well, since I don't get to post here, I will just say hi ...

ain't love grand?




What's different about your situation, other than you live among rednecks with no teeth I mean