*Don't mind me...I'm testing the water. Pokes big toe in...is it safe?* I guess I can still post since the post where I told everyone I wouldn't be posting for a while is gone (thank you)...I'm doing my best here not to step over any lines, so please give me a little slack...I'm sorry to anyone and everyone who I've offened. I hope you all understand that I honestly didn't mean to do so. I was acting out of my feelings instead of what I know is right. My mistake.
We all know that satan is a theif. And I've heard time and time again that he doesn't want your money, your car, your material posessions...He's got plenty of that. But if that is what is most important to you, that is what he will take. Anyting to get you so far down in the dumps that he can steal your faith, hope, joy, and love. And if you have lost all of that, then you have, in essence died whether it is a physical death or not.
For alot of people, it would pretty much take the wind out of their sails if they lost all of their material stuff. What takes the wind out of mine is when I loose the aproval of people. My entire self esteem has been centered around how good people think I am...how hard it looks like I am trying, how passionate I am about that which I am supposed to be passionate about. And somwhere I seem to have lost the fact that my self worth should be found from who I am in God. Who He knows
I am...and where my heart lies. Where your heart lies, there your treasure will lie also.
God has taught me a very important lesson that maybe nobody else will agree with, but I am going to cling to it with everything I have inside of me right now because I feel that, in some ways, it is all that I have left emotionally and spiritually.
This truth that I have learned is that if there is anything in your life that you put above God...anything
...that is where satan is going to attack you, and that is where it is going to hurt you the most. Be it finances, relationships, friendships, material posessions, work, education, addictions, emotions...whatever.
I heard Beth Moore speak last Sunday morning, and one of the things that she had to say caught me on the blindside, and I thought I understood it. Only now do I really
understand it in all of it's fulness.
She told a story of a man who was awakened in the night and ran down his stairs to find an alligator halfway through his pet door. His little dog was standing back from the door just yapping away, and the gator had wedged the upper half of his body through the small opening before getting completely stuck.
She stopped the story right there. "Your secret sin," she said, "is your pet door. The real enemy (satan) is the alligator. That really little sin that you think is harmless, that you justify, or that is just such a part of you that you don't notice it, is going to be your downfall." Then, fusing the two together, she made this simple statement that closed the lesson, and we left on this note: "The enemy is going to come in through your pet door.
How true...wherever your heart is, that is what the enemy is going to attack. And your heart is usually in your pet sin. You work so hard to justify it because you can't see being rid of it. It has become such a part of you that you sometimes can't even see where it is harming you. And if you can, you deny the harmful effects or at least pretend that the harmful effects are completely outweighed by the pleasure or the satisfaction that it gives you. Be it lust or alcoholism or pride or religion or people pleasing or complacency...all of the things that are ingrained in us...we often find that our heart lies somewhere in there.
So that means anything that you place above God, the enemy can attack and when he does, he will steal much more from you than just that one thing. It will steal all of the things that are built around it.
In my case, if your self esteem is built on pleasing people and you loose the approval of a person who means alot to you, you have not only lost that person, but you have lost a big part of your self esteem. And in panicking and trying to gain the respect of that person, you will make other mistakes and in doing so lose the approval of others in some cases...which is an even bigger blow. You loose willingness to trust, ability to reason, all of the truths that you cling to are easily replaced by lies because your defenses are down and you have let the enemy so far in your pet door that he is slowly eating away at you. And the more you open that door for him by not replacing the lies with God's truth, the bigger your pet door will grow until you are consumed with the lies of the enemy and can almost hear no truth. It's a very painful and (can be) a very swift
downward spiral. If you don't allow the truth to replace the lies, it can ultimately lead to your destruction -- which is what it almost came to for me. No lie...I was ready to just give up. I couldn't see a light at the end no matter what anyone would say.
And I refused to listen to the truth because my anger told me that the truth was just a bunch of mess. What I failed to realize was that was just another lie that I was letting myself listen to.
I leanred something last weekend...that a little three step process can change your entire outlook. This is how it goes:
1. Something bad happens (whether it is in or out of your control. Some call it "the event", but I am taking it a step further to call it my pet sin.
2. Satan feeds you lies as a result of this event, and if you listen to them, it leads to
3. Your reaction, which is in most cases a sinful reaction since you are listening to the lies of the sinful one.
This is gonna look really familiar to Lisa.
I see why I lost so much. I had my sources crossed instead of letting my source be the cross. But by the grace of God I can change all that.