I'm writing today as a man who knows from which I speak. I have been going through a lot of "stuff" in the last couple of weeks and it seemed like things were getting harder and harder to deal with. It's as if the foundation I was used to had begun to move and I was being uprooted from that which I was sure of.
My work was going great, but my heart was somewhere else. The people I work with are incredible,and the pay is awesome--but I want to be working for my church and my ministry full time. I know God has blessed me with the gift of finances for a reason, and until about a year ago I thought that defined my "place in HIS plan." But recently, I feel confusion in what it is I am supposed to be doing. I give freely and love to bless the kingdom of God more than I love to be blessed, and I know that is why He chooses to supply the finances to me that He does--Yet the time my job interferes with the ministry He has called me to.

Boom, a sudden shift in my foundation.

Another is relationships. I don't understand them and I seem to be not that good at them. God has given me a personality of openness and reckless abandonment in all that I do. This used to be one of my strong points ( I thought) in my life. But it seems to give those around me (wether valid or not) ammunition to try to deter me from doing just what everyone else is trying to do---walk my walk the best I can.
You can't win for losing-- you don't go out of your way to make someone feel special and you are "stuck up" or "clickish." On the other hand if you do go out of your way to hug EVERYONE you meet (guy or girl) there are those around you that will question your integrity.

Again I feel my soil shift beneath me.

Then we need to "be real," and help each other go down this walk of being a christian, but as soon as you hold those accountable to the accountability they asked you to, they turn on you and pull away. They begin to question your integrity. Almost as if instead of working on their own "plank in their eye," they say "Oh yea well you do this..." I guess that makes it better. So you combat this by openning your private life to everone in the world and yet there are still those who say what they want to about you because no one will ever ask you if its true or not they just assume what they hear instead of looking at all sides and saying "Does that fit the person I know?"

Either way the damage is done and the soil churns.

Why is it that Christians who proclaim to know that Jesus came to forgive us of our transgressions are the first ones to remind us of these transgressions every chance they get? (Is there anyone out there that TRULY wants to be real?????)

churn...rotate... shift...shift!!!

My schooling is stagnant and my family life is null and void...Yet I still am believing in God for somthing more in my life. So my confusion grows and grows.

My soil begins to become unfamiliar as it is brought up from places that were beneath my site of vision.
But, I say all of that to say this...and this probably doesn't apply to all the self rightous perfect christians out there...this is just to us who live in reality--

God has a plan for my life!!!! And that soil is being tilled and my roots are being uplifted for a purpose that only He knows.

I might not know exactly where He is planting me but I know what path I am walking, and I know in my life He is wholeheartedly and honestly being sought. I am truly walking it and not just saying it in front of those that I should. I have quit lying to those around me and to myself about really feeling God in everything I do, because everything that I do isn't REALLY for God.
We sing all the time...God I give you everything--yet we give offerings of $1 and maybe if He's lucky $10.00 to help further His Kingdom; then we cry...I put all my trust in you--when we go back to the world the second being a christian gets tough; and we proclaim "everything I do I do for you"--and then we back out on our oath we made to God when it looses its newness and shine and actually becomes hard work.

Thank God He doesn't make and break promises to us as we do to Him! We say..."We proclaim your name--when we let those around us go to hell everyday because we don't tell them about Jesus or envite them to Christian events to get to know Him."
So I look at my life and I wonder is it all just a lie...a great big hoax... something to give the less intelligent to cling onto for hope? Is there really such a thing as a bigger planter?

Is God working on growing me or am I just here?

Will I spend the rest of my life looking for the perfect job and the perfect friends--not to mention the Brady Bunch family and the house to raise them in. Or have I finally reached the end-all get out of my potential for my life. Have I grown all I am going to?

And by doing this you can know that if your life is going great enjoy your time there...thank God for the rest and the time to blossom within that stage of your life.
But, more importantly I think, in the times when you feel yourself being uprooted--praise God that He sees your potential to grow. Realize that it is just that-- and instead of moving and shifting within your new soil not knowing where you are...letting fear and depression and anxiety begin to kill you...reach your roots down deeper into the foundation and begin to branch out wider and wider into your new surroundings trusting that God is the BEST GARDENER on the planet. He will not move you until you are ready.
And if it seems like you are constantly being replanted while everyone else is blossoming where they are just trust in the assurance that maybe God has bigger and better plans for you than the pot that they are in! Some are ferns, some are flowers--made to be beautiful within there garden or vase for a season...that's it...
But then there are those who are called to be Great Sequoias that stretch the imagination and invoke feelings of greatness throughout history. --But you must remember the Great Sequoias roots had to go much deeper and there foundation had to be constantly strengthend because they had a lot more growing to do than did the ferns and flowers!

innerdawg

I have been asking some of the same questions myself. I have a hard time opening up to anyone around me, but I watch from a distance. I see people my age and even younger who seem to be "in full bloom". They seem to know what God's plan for their life is and they seem to be on track, and here I am--really not having a clue what my calling is. I try so hard to please God--unfortunately I can't say that I please Him all the time--and I have such a brokeness for those around me who don't see God the way I do. And I listen and pray, pray and listen, act on what I know to do. And sometimes with no results. It's like pouring miracle grow on a tree made of plastic. There's nothing wrong with the miracle grow...what does that say about me? And then sometimes I see phenominal results. God working before my very eyes. And he ALWAYS knows when I'm at my breaking point. When I've taken all that I can take. When I've done all that I can do. When I've spent all that I have to spend. When I am completely at the end. And I see a tiny bud. Small, but encouraging nevertheless. And I know that if I just hang in there and be real with Him and do what I know he wants me to do--and sometimes all I know to do is just pray and worship and cry--then he will help me to grow. But you can't fool God. And you may be able to be fake and fool other people around you, but what's the point?? Honestly? What is the point of acting like someone or something you're not? No one is perfect. Everyone has shortcomings. If you try to hide them from everyone, then you will never truly find a "real friend", because real friends are there to help you overcome your shortcomings. To love you in spite of your imperfections. It would be so wonerful if we could all just really take off the masks and be real with each other. Be close to each other. Actually function as a family. As one body. Help each other through the hard times. And be as real with each other as we have to be with God. That's one of my visions.

Wow, you know this was posted exactally a week ago, and I'm just now reading it and it's making perfect sense. I'm not going to go into great detail,because I'm like foreverchanged, I watch from a distance. But, know Whit, that God is churning everyone's soil and it's hard for everyone, but God is ultimately in control...but you already know that...I just wanted to agree with you, and you agree with me, and everyone agree together that is going through this churning time, that we are going to be open and receptive to WHATEVER HE is doing...whoever it takes me from and whoever it puts me with...and we are going to give 120% to seeking Him and finding out what He has called us to do. It's time to say, "Whatever, Lord, whatever you want me to do..." and really mean it....REALLY mean it and want it and seek it and then, at the appointed time...DO IT. "Seek ye first the kindgdom of God and all these things shall be added unto you" All these things is all these things we seem to think need fixing, or need changing, or need remodeling in and around our lives...but what do we have to do first? SEEK FIRST GOD AND HIS KINGDOM. Challenge: DO IT. Hold God to His promise...seek Him and you shall find...knock and the door shall be opened unto you. All of His promises are yes and Amen in Christ. Peace out.



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"...It's all about you, all about you Jesus..."

WOW!!!!!!

That's the only word that I can use to describe how that email affected me Whit. It's amazing how quick we forget that those around us ARE going through a lot of the same things we are. Maybe not indentical situations, but usually the same feelings and spirits whispering lies into our ears. Those spirits offer depression, bitterness, jealousy, pride, & worst of all confusion convincing us that these will make it all better. My heart cries out with the same passion for an understanding of what God wants to happen in my life. I know what he's called me to be, but what simple step I take next seems to be the hardest to figure out. I can say it's because I can't hear him, but what if it's because I don't want to hear him. Am I unconsciously putting something between he and I and therefore inhibiting his voice from ringing out clearly in my heart? A million questions clutter my mind everyday about tomorrow. Mean while I miss out on the opportunities that he throws my way on a day-to-day basis. Lord I ask that if there is anything between you and I that is making it hard to hear your voice, please surface it and help me to rid of it asap. Thanx!

God's servant (-;
Thanks again Whitney from those words from your heart, they have TRULY touched mine and I will never be the same again.

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How long, will you forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long will I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?
How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

Consider and hear me, my God; enlighten my eyes,
Lest I sleep the sleep of death;
Lest my enemy say,
"I have prevailed against him";
Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

But I have trusted in Your mercy;
My heart will rejoice in Your salvation.
I will sing to the Lord,
Because He has dealt bountifully with me.

PSALM 13


confusion, yes...confusion. it's what consumes me. i am confused with what my life is, and is supposed to mean. i know God is there, He runs through my dreams all the time. but, naturally, i doubt. i am not overly confident when it comes to unfamiliar situations, but yet something crys out inside of me. it's like this picture of me--standing in a crowded room, yelling...screaming at the top of my lungs, but no one flinches or even glances my way. that's the way i often feel with God. there are these passions, ambitions, hopes for my future. going where God wants me to, playing my music for Him, proving to people that "My Jesus is real!" but yet i feel this void. a void that seems to control my every thought when i'm not talking to God. but still...He seems to permeate and consume everything seen and unseen.
it's a hard path to walk, but yet i will praise Him


whit...
my input i have to offer toward confusion with your job situation. just think--what ever it is you do you could do that for a million years in heaven and not be one day older.
chances to take part in God's kingdom work is endless, but our time is not

Hey lightbulb...I have to say it is good to hear from you again. Look for me in our talkabout spot...

innerdawg

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