I was nobody; my thoughts to myself were my best friends. They understood me, what I wanted to accomplish, my fears, my everything. Then I figured out who I was, I knew their was always something hiding out in me that I did not understand. Finally after years of emotional struggle, and the pure mental hell of breaking through the shell of life that had somehow held me away from the beautiful world that lay before me, I was happy. Life itself had a new meaning, I remember making the statement “For me, the process of learning to understand, express to, and enjoy; yourself and all that surrounds you, is the true act of living.”
That realization set a new course for my life. I had never understood how fulfilling it was to interact so closely and openly with the world. Before this I had always been of the assumption that my little world was the only thing that was real. “The Wonder Years” the best example of how I lived my life, although safe it becomes extremely lonely, I wish that I could meet someone that could communicate with me on that intimate level, brutally honest and yet truly wanting the best for each other. I imagine finding comfort in letting someone else into that lonely shell, that hiding place that I grew up in, and I always run to when struggles put me out of that bliss, that momentary high, between times of trouble.
I love my life; I put a lot of effort into preserving the memories of the present and the past, so I can continually learn from them. I really have no idea what my realistic goal for my time in this existence is, I don’t have any clear dreams or wishes. But there are many ideas, or parts of them anyway, that I have heard of throughout my life that I really think would add to the list of “learning experiences” I have now.
Emotion beyond expression is the highest form of life I can strive for, even though I do not know how to achieve this. Maybe one day I can trace my life of, steps down the wrong roads, and see the reason for my actions.


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Very good Gilligan! You really have a great way of expressing yourself. Please share more when you can.
I feel that loneliness myself at times, and wonder if my "true" friends are still out there. One thing we do have to remember - our friends are human too, we cannot base our walk on their walk, we can only base our walk on the one perfect walk - Jesus.


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* Elizabeth *
health-net

Wassssuuppp dawg? I second that emotion, it is great to see you on here...

Keep us abreast of what is going on which you, we miss you waaaaayyyy over there...

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Allen

I have a saying " Hakuna Ma tatta" It seems to me that you have already made it through the hardest part of "The Big Picture." Finding out that You are You. What I mean by that is that in this life time God has made us each for diffent things. And with this difference comes unity as well as individualism. Our friends, are just the icing on the cake. We see ourselves in their lives by how we affect them and in turn how they affect us. Unfortunately this means that you have to take the good with the bad. Either way when we begin to reach out for that friend who will be "brutally honest and yet wants the best for us" remember that means that you will disagree on occasion, but you have to remind yourself that they are probably reaching for the same thing too.
I have had many "friends" in my life time that tell me what I want to hear and I question if they are trully friends at all? As a friend I hurt... and in turn I hurt others; I laugh...and in turn I make others laugh; I encourage at times...and at others I let those who I care about the most down; I let others pour into me...and in turn I try to pour into others. I guess what I am trying to say is that in this lifetime if you find someone who you can go through all the emotions of living with-- you need to fight to remember that a true friend is the one that no matter what is there until the end.
But a true friendship is built when you can love someone so much that you let them into that space that opens up your insicurities, or that "lonely shell" you refer to and yet give them the space to be themselves. Don't let them push you away and in turn don't push them away. because then both of you are right back where you started...searching for a friend to be real with.
I hope everything is going good in FL and I hope that I get to hear from you soon. It's not the same without you here. I am having to learn how to be a computer geek because I don't have you here to keep me from accidentally erasing my harddrive or something like that.
Anyway, give them He..up there and come and visit soon.

Your friend for life...
WhitDawg

PS How's Pumba doing?

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