Hi Rachel, I'm embie
My daughter's name is Rachel too.
I have prayed for your situation and I will continue to lift your whole family up. In all things God is Good and He will never leave you alone. /
I have never experienced a loss of this kind, so I can't understand the depth of your grief, but I have raised two children alone, and at one time they were 5 and 4 respectively. I understand the drain and the pain that you feel. Sometimes you do feel like you are alone and that everything is loaded up on you to the point you think you're going to break, but you won't. When we are at our weakest, that's when God is at His strongest. Nothing can snatch you out of the palm of His hand. The children are not with you by accident, there is a purpose in everything that happens. Take the advice of the folks that have already posted. Vent, seek help, don't keep everything bottled up inside. Schedule some quiet time for yourself. I don't know you so I'm not sure if you're married or have children of your own, but you have to keep a healthy balance. Make sure you're eating and sleeping properly. Letting yourself get run down will only make you weaker and possibly more depressed. Kids are tougher than you think. They will draw off of your stability. It's ok to cry and be sad, you don't have to always put up a strong front, it's the consistency that they will depend on.
I will be praying for you. If you would like to talk please just PM me and I would be happy to listen.
God Bless you and yours...