The latest from our DivorceCare Class . . .

You may feel a deep need for a mate, a partner, and a companion. Be patient, now is not the time. First, you must learn to be single.

This I think would apply to all of us. How many of us are actually content with our singleness before we enter into a marriage or relationship with a member of the opposite sex?

Or better yet. . .How many of us enter into a relationship looking for that completeness only to discover that it is really us we need to work on?

"You don't solve loneliness by getting married. Some of the loneliest people in the world are married people. Nothing is worse than being lonely in a marriage because you're trapped." (Dr. Myles Munroe)

Dr. Munroe says one thing we need to learn is that God designed us to be single.

"People walk around with a tremendous misconception of what it means to be single. I discuss the difference between being single and being alone. Singleness, in its basic definition means to be separate, unique, and whole. These three words are all integrated to define the word singleness. To be single means that you are separate from everyone else, you are unique in yourself, which means that you have an awareness that there's no one like you, and you have worth and value within yourself, and you are whole. . . . You don't depend on other people to make you somebody. Until somebody is completely single in these three areas, their relationships will always be a problem." (Dr. Myles Munroe)

Do you have the assurance that you are a separate, unique, and whole person? You can find this assurance through a relationship with God. Read God's Word to discover and understand what He created you to be and why. Avoid new relationships with the opposite sex until you are completely single.

"For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, . . . everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him." (Colossians 1:16 Msg)

Holy God, You have created me for a purpose that only I can fulfill. I am unique, special, worthwhile, and whole in You. Amen.

Good stuff! Single or not!

Yes, thank you TH!

I guess I nearly perfected my 'singleness' - I was lonely at times, sure... but comfortable being by myself as well - I had no problem eating in a restaurant, watching a movie, training in the gym, many things, by myself. I see so many go from one relationship right into another, right into the next, never comfortable in their own skin. Relatives and friends alike - what's the rush? I know people who've gotten married, divorced, and married again in the same year - what's up with that?


I don't have it all down... I get/got lonely quite a bit.

Where are you with this TH? Share some knowledge so we all can learn

YIP YUP!!

welcome q_q

Yo Allen... I'm feeling welcomed...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"> Where are you with this TH? Share some knowledge so we all can learn </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">First and formost. . . develope or renew a relationship with Christ!

Keep in mind that I speak from a recently divorced viewpoint but I would imagine that loneliness in itself probably effects most of us in the same way.

So with that in mind, what cause loneliness?

Isolation

I'm like a buzzard in the desert, a crow perched on the rubble. Insomniac, I twitter away, mournful as a sparrow in the gutter. (Psalms 102:6-7 MSG)

Perhaps the easiest way to identify a person who's struggling with loneliness is to listen for that one phrase, Nobody seems to understand.

With someone says that you can be almost positive that they are struggling with a feeling of loneliness, feeling of isolation or a sense of seperation in their relationships.

You Don't Feel Valued

Now we look inside, and what we see is that anyone united with the Messiah gets a fresh start, is created new. The old life is gone; a new life burgeons! Look at it! (2 Corinthians 5:17 MSG)

When we lose that feeling of being loved or cherished by another we begin to feel as if we have no value. When we begin to feel that way our feelings of loneliness will become stronger.

But. . .

It is only when we learn who we are in Christ and about the total acceptance that God has about each one of us that we begin to feel that we are a valued person. When we learn to accept the total and unconditional love that God has for us we become a valued person in His eyes. That type of love my friends. . .you will never get from your spouse of friends.

Rejection

Haze has it covered here
Overcoming Feelings of Rejection

I'll just add from a personal view that rejection in any form is a key contributor to the feelings of loneliness.

I felt like there was this huge D tatooed on my forhead. When you are rejected by someone whose opinion truly matters to you, such as your spouse, you can mistakenly feel that you are a reject.

I pulled you in from all over the world, called you in from every dark corner of the earth, Telling you, 'You're my servant, serving on my side. I've picked you. I haven't dropped you.' Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.(Isaiah 41:9-10 MSG)

Everything God created is good, and to be received with thanks. Nothing is to be sneered at and thrown out. (1 Timothy 4:4 MSG)

Spiritual Loneliness

A big part of our loneliness is a spiritual problem. We each began this life as a sinner and we have many reminders in our lives that tell us we are not connected with God. A lot of our fellings of loneliness stem from that fact, a feeling of I am not quite connected with God in the way I want to be.

We were created to be in a right relationship with God but we often choose our own way instead of God's way. Can we say Sin! And beacuse of this sin we can no longer experience or enjoy that right relationship except through Jesus Christ.

See. . .satan wants us to doubt God and puts us in an enviornment that allows feelings of loneliness to blend with the thought that God is not here for us. He makes us doubt God's ability to care for us. And at that point he has won the battle becaus we then begin to react in our own strenght and our own abilities instead of letting God's love flow through us.

We were all created by God and for God. Our feelings of loneliness can only be filled when we are in a right relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.

Allen summed it up here

What on Earth am I Here For

Couples-oriented Society

Is it obvious yet? This is a couples-oriented scoiety.

Being single makes us outsiders, the third or fifth wheel and it contributes to feelings of loneliness. Everywhere you look there appears to be whole families intact. Even in Sunday School...all those happily married couples. (I wonder about that now) Even a large part of the songs played tell us that we cannot live without that one special person in our lives.

I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit--not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength-- that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you'll be able to take in with all Christians the extravagant dimensions of Christ's love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God.
(Ephesians 3:16-19 MSG)

Profound Loss

Death...Divorce...or any profound loss in your life contributes to deep feelings of loneliness. All of a sudden it seems that your life is over and that you willnever be loved again.

Yes. . .the loss is profound, it is intense, the joy and peace you once knew has been removed from your heart.

But. . .you can make it through this.

From where I watch it from I would say divorce is much worse than death. We as a society expect death but not divorce. Because it is unexpected it contributes even more feelings of loneliness.

All the joy is gone from our hearts. Our dances have turned into dirges. (Lamentations 5:15 MSG)

A New Lifestyle

The daily routine is now different. The security and comfort of the old routine and the knowledge of knowing where you belong has been disrupted. Awkwardness and uncomfortable is probably how you would dexcribe this new lifestyle. It also contributes to the feelings of loneliness.

Seperation of any kind, divorce or death is a most diffcult thing and the most difficult thing to deal with is your feelings of loneliness. Even going to bed becomes an effort. What was once a time of love, communication and intimacy is now lonely dark and cold. Even getting up in the morning becomes difficult to face.

Things that were once routine are now missed. For me, things like homework, perparing dinner, washing clothes, spending time with the children either playing or reading. All of this is removed for the most part.

So what do I do? Depend upon God like never before! I have learned to place all of my cares and anxieties on Him because He knows me and cares for me.

So don't you see that we don't owe this old do-it-yourself life one red cent. There's nothing in it for us, nothing at all. The best thing to do is give it a decent burial and get on with your new life. God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! (Romans 8:12-14 MSG)

Family and Friends Pull Back

Going through a divorce or a death family and friends, even the Church often has no idea what to say or how to interact with you so they tend to pull back. Another huge factor in your feelings of loneliness.

*chuckles* Sometimes they are even prone to shooting their own wounded. Because they don't know what to do with you they just pretend like you don't exist. Because of the nature of our divorce I was not able to continue worshiping at our Church but I have not moved my membership. I have not heard a word from anyone there, not even the Pastor. I can assure you that this contributes greatly to feelings of loneliness.

My father and mother walked out and left me, but GOD took me in. (Psalms 27:10 MSG)

So...many minutes later, there are the causes of loneliness. Where to from here?

I don't understand TH. Why are you not able to continue worshipping at the same church? Seems the fellowship would be a big plus. I do understand about people distancing themselves. Often this happens because the person in pain only focuses on the issue causing the pain. This can be sidestepped by going to them instead of waiting for them to come to you. There should be plenty of common ground without in your case, the divorce being the focus of the relationships or conversation. This should make others more comfortable in your company. It will also keep your mind off the divorce for a while. Keep in mind lonely and alone are two different feelings or emotions. Lonely can be remedied in many ways. Alone can even be cherished.