Okay, we've been silly, and we still have plenty of time for that, but now I really wanna introduce myself for real. My name is Michelle, I'm 21 years old, I have a daughter who will be 3 in September, and my favorite color is blue. I come here in praise joint alot, because a lot of times it is the only way I can really talk to some of the people from Stand since I work alot (@Logon Cafe) and since I try to spend as much time at home with my family as I can. I go to Stand EVERY Monday night, so if you're ever curious about the wierdo who seems to have too much free time on her hands (but really doesn't), then that's where you'll find me. I feel so strongly about the Stand ministry for several reasons. It's a really long story, but hey, I have an hour to kill. I thought I was supposed to be at work an hour before I was supposed to be here, so here I sit. So anyway...a little background info about me. I grew up in church. I know your basic Bible stories. But as much as you know ABOUT God, it is never enough untill you know HIM personally. I did not know Him personally. The older I got, the less child-like faith I had. The less faith I had, the less I cared about anything or anyone but me. I got into some pretty bad stuff (some of which got me into trouble, and some which just killed me inside). I was your typical 20 year old, smoking like a chimney, swearing every time I got the chance, and frankly, blaming God for any and everything I could blame Him for. All the while knowing that He existed, but then agian Satan knows that He exists, and look at how bad he turned out... Finally, I had gotten to a new low in my life, but didn't know it yet. I hadn't realized how far gone I was. One night, Stand came in to the cafe on a Monday night after meeting, and I thought that they were just like all the other loud typical church groups that I had seen throughout my many years of church assosiations. Until I went outside to smoke a cigarrette and saw Jason and Rick sitting at one of the tables out there with an open Bible. Not broadcasting it and being boastful like "hey look at me, I really do crack the book once in a while", but they were having a deep serious discussion about something in there. And so I felt obliged to ask them who the heck they were and what they were all about, and they told me. They had sat there and seen me smoke my cigarrette, and they had actually invited me to come hang out with them anyway (which shocked me). Then Jason left along with everyone else, and Rick stayed behind to talk to me. Let me tell you. It was the most incredible thing I had experienced ever, I think. There we stood at midnight in an empty parking lot, and he talked to me about God's love and I heard such a peace in his voice. I knew that it wasn't really Rick talking, but that God Himself was speaking through him. I ended up crying on his shoulder for the longest time, and realizing that I was a dirty filthy sinner, and that not only did I want what he had, but I needed what he had or I was going to die. He let me cry on him a total stranger. He expected nothing in return. I wasn't used to that. Everyone wants something in return. But he showed me what God's love was. I decided to give my life back to God. For the next week Satan attacked me full force. Of course I didn't know that was what was happening at the time. All I knew was that temptations that had not come up in a very long time were right there in front of me in my face. Being the weakling that I was, I gave in to every single one of them. And by the end of the week, I was the most miserable person I had EVER BEEN in my entire life. I had sunk to new lows even after realizing that I needed God back in my life. How could I have? The thought of suicide even ran through my mind. Then I remembered the number on the stand card that they had given me. I figured that was my last option. If somebody didn't call me back, I don't want to know what I would have done. Jason called me back, and although he probly couldn't understand what I was saying because I was crying so hard, he prayed with me and then told me that if I would feel more comfortable talking to a girl, then I could call Mandy. I did, and she prayed with me. Again, I was a total stranger to these people and they were giving me their personal numbers and letting me cry on them and praying with me. I had to check this Stand thing out. So I did. The first couple times I went, I felt very awkward. But I also felt God. I felt Him tugging at me like never before. I still wasn't ready to give Him everything, but I knew that I needed to. I was giving Him SOME stuff. It was all I could do at the time. It was more than I had ever done. So I kept going to Stand because I knew that's where I needed to be. Once, I missed Stand because of one of the things I had not yet given to God. That night, I felt HORRIBLE. I was depressed. I thought, okay God. I'm gonna read something. I need you to give me a word tonight. So I opened my Bible to a book and started reading. I can't remember right now what book it was. Anyway, it was a short book. I read it and got nothing from it. I didn't understand how that applied to me. I was frustrated. I gave up. I cried myself to sleep. The next day, Rick called me. Not sure why, except for the fact that he told me that they had missed me at Stand and asked me how I was. I asked him what they had talked about. They had talked about the exact book that I had read the night before. He proceeded to explain to me how the speaker related it to our everyday lives, and although the message did relate to me, it wasn't what had such an impact. It was the fact that it seemed God was telling me where I really needed to be for whatever reason, and I needed to be at Stand. I decided to get serious. I then gave EVERYTHING to God. My relationships, my smoking habit...everythng. And I became hungry for His word like never before, and so I felt that I couldn't miss a Monday night because I didn't want to miss a message. I still feel that way. I am a member of my parents church, but thier main ministry is recovering alcoholics, and they only have services on Sunday mornings, and I teach Sunday school, so I'm not really getting spiritally fed then. And I work soooo much that it is rare I get to make a service elsewhere. So until my circumstances change, I am not able to go to chruch regularly. But even when I am able to, I still feel drawn to Stand because that is where I really found God for the first time. It is kinda like home base for me. I am not really close to anyone there yet, because I kinda needed those first months to get my stuff straight with God, and realize that He is really the only one I need. But it is good to have Christian relationships, and I feel like I am in a season where those are developing right now. I really care about everyone in Stand, and I am so thankful that God placed them in my life. Had they not been obedient to God, I hate to think of where I might be right now. So that is me. I'm just a regular person who loves Jesus with all my heart and who wants everyone to do the same because that's what He deserves. And if you ever question whether or not you have sunk so low that you can never come back, He IS the answer to that question. He is love. Perfect love. A love that knows no end. And He loves you because of who you are no matter what you have done. Because every bad thing you did while you were lost can be turned around for good when you are saved. You can take your bad circumstances and turn them into opportunities to witness to someone who is in the same situation that you were in. It happpens. I'm living proof that JESUS SAVES.

YOU GO GIRL! U R AWSOME TO B ABLE TO TELL EVERYONE THAT MUCH ABOUT THAT TIME OF YOUR LIFE! AGAIN...GO GIRL!

------------------
~JESUS_FREAK~

Michelle-- :-D -- WOW! Great testimony. Thanks for taking the time to write all that. It was very encouraging. Stand is a great ministry. Thanks all you guys who work everyday pouring your lives into it...people are being touched and selling out to something different---Jesus!

------------------
Until He Returns, I remain... About souls,
crucified_with_christ

Exactly cruce... thank you Michelle, I didn't know most of that stuff about you. My story isn't nearly as good, I have shared it on here somewhere before, and I will again soon. Thank you for letting us know the effect one sincere heart can have in someone else's life.

------------------
Allen

Most people don't know much about me. (well, I can't say that now.....)
Allen, I'd love to hear your story. It HAS to be just as good as mine, 'cause we both ended up at the same place: saved. That's the part that counts. And our story will end the same: We will be with our Father forever and ever.

I wanted to Thank you Michelle for sharing that testimony. It's encouraging to hear that something I have had the privalage of being a part of has had an impact on anyone.

I have to admit that a lot of the time it is hard to "keep going" with what God has called me to do because it seems that although the churches preach unity and saving souls in their own pulpits anytime we try to do an event geared at winning the lost for Christ they have "something else planned" or they will "pray for us." Sometimes it seems as if they will never open their eyes to what God can do through us if we submit to His bigger plan and then just love people.

That night at Logon I had pretty much just met Rick and God used us not as two "leaders of ministries" but just as two people who love God and are thankful that he reached out and snatched us out of our meaningless existances to meet someone like you.

And everyday after that it has been you that blesses me. To see the love you have for your daughter and family... to hear about how you are using the place God has you to minister to people that come in for coffee... and to see the passion you have to reach the lost in Southeast TX gives me hope.

Your testimony let's me know that I am not crazy in thinking that the generation in Stand will affect a nation even if it has to be one soul at a time.

THANK YOU!!!

your friend

innerdawg

------------------

One soul at a time still has the angels REJOICING! And just think, if you did it all at once, the party up there would be shorter! Stretch it out, and they'll be partyin' for dayz!!! But really, if you EVER think that you are crazy, lemmie know and I will personally go and kick the devil in his ugly lying smelly face for even trying to tell you that. I'm tellin' ya, I thank God EVERYDAY for you guyz and your willing hearts even though you get discouraged and your Jesus hugs. God will continue to do great things through Stand if we keep our focus on HIM.
Love ya sooooooomuch,
Michelle

Wow that is really touching testimony. I'ts so great how God can pick us up and turn our lifes around .

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God is Great!!!

I had forgotten that I posted this...wow...that was quite a while ago God has brought me through so much. I've learned much, made many mistakes, taken little steps forward and HUGE steps back. But somehow, by His grace and mercy and love, I find myself closer to Him than I was when I started. And I am so greatful to those who have stood beside me through it all.

God IS GOOD!!!!!, Nah make that PERFECT!!!


God bless you,
What a testamony!!!
Steve

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When God is all you've got; God is all you need!

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I forgot that you posted that too. That's cool! Hey! We have alot in common. WE've both worked at Logon(duh!), both of our favorite colors are blue, and we both have daughters. Isn't that weird?!
Kinda twilight zone type of stuff. . .

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It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.

Friends,

I hate to put a damper on your rejoicing, but I will. You all will meet me very soon (on or about Saturday, 3 Feb)...I am Devil's Advocate...AKA Jim...myself and Michelle have been talking/debating for quite some time and I have to say, she is strongest, most amazing person I have ever met...and I look forward to meeting her (especially) and all persons involved with 'stand'. Be that as it may, I have not found, nor will I ever find, god...let me explain.

I view god as a crutch...a "higher being" that others lean on in order to explain their woes...in other words...you explain away your problems and invoke 'god' to do it...don't get me wrong, I fully support and admire your faith...its simply not for me. I have lost 5 close friends to accidents, 2 during parachute jumps, 2 during helicopter crashes, and 1 during a C-130 crash (I was on board)...I cannot believe god has some grand plan for them...they ALL left loving wives, and 2 left loving children...why, may I ask, did 'god' take these good men??? There is no answer...before every jump, I say to myself "satan is my jumpmaster"...this may sound strange, but I have been doing that for about 10 years...and NOTHING has happened to me (except 7 malfunctions)...its not that I believe in Satan, its that I simply don't believe in god, satan, or religion for that matter...and I say those things to prove to myself that they in fact don't exist...and it has proven true so far...I am an athiest...I beleive in no religion at all, in fact, I believe that religion is the cause of most wars in the world...look at the Moslems and Jews...continually fighting over land, beliefs, etc...not for me. I respect your beliefs, but cannot bring myself to accept them...I have seen too much hardship to think that there is a god out there doing it all for a purpose...and, if there is, then he is a cruel and manipulative god indeed. Do not take my comments personally...Foreverchanged has not...in fact, she is the one shining light I find in my heart...stalwart in her beliefs, and continually telling me the virtues of god...but I listen not...for mine is an existence without god, or guidance, or faith...mine is an existence based on self reliance...of finding my own way, of determining my own destiny...I shall end my diatribe with my favorite quote:

"It matters not how straight the gait...how charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my ship, I am the captain of my soul..."

It is I, and only I, that determines what I do in this world...and as far as the 'next' world...to me, it doesn't exist...when I die, thats it...I'm dead...

I wish you all a good life...

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CRAZY STUBBORN ATHIEST!

Dangit, Jim...I only have like 5 minutes to type.

1. You aren't putting a damper on my rejoicing. Why?

Let me tell you...you just answered two questions that I was about to go off and ask someone else.

First question: God is all knowing and all seeing and He is everywhere. Which means at the same time that He is being praised by someone down here on earth and His heart is rejoicing with them, there is also someone wh is rejecting Him, and He must feel a deep sorrow. How is that possible, even for God, to feel a deep sense of joy and contentment, and a heart wrenching sorrow at the same time???

Now I know. I still greatly rejoice at the fact that I have my salvation. I am so in love with my Maker and I am joyful that He has me and Ihave Him. And I am thankful that He brought you into my life, because at the sametime that I rejoice for my salvation, I mourn for your lack thereof. And I canget a tiny glimpse of what God might feel like every moment of every day since mankind was created.

Now on to question 2. Last night, someone posted something about God waking her up to pray about someone. I almost sent a private message to someone asking how they know when it's God that wakes you up or just the cat? Or maybe the fact that you have to pee??? AndI was serious...because I am not in a good mood when something wakes me up, and I usually try to get back to sleep ASAP. But I typed the message and could not send it. Something stopped me...it was almost like a voice saying that I allredy knew the answer to that...so I didn't send the message. Last night I actually got to bed rather early...11 or so, but I couldn't go to sleep...or, rather Celeste wouldn't go to sleep. And FINALLY, at about 12:15 am, she said that seh wanted to go to sleep with "grandma". Since grandma was ready for bed, grandma let her have a little slumber party. Celest was out within 5 minutes, and I had the room to myself. I laid my head down at about 12:40...exhausted...it's been a rough coupleadays. And I feel asleep, but no sooner did I doze of, then something woke me up, and I couldn't help but think that for some reason, I had the room to myself on this rare occaision for a reason...but being the lazybum that I am, I went to sleep instead of trying to figure out what my gut was telling me...and God gave me a second chance...He even tried to tell me what He had woken meup for...
I had a dream about YOU! Wierd, no? I know...that was just the extra 15 percent of my brain kicking in, blahblahblah...but for real...I'm kinda freakde out!!!! But anyway, thank you for answering my questions. I'm gonna be late for my coffee date. Have a great day. I look forward to meetingyou....


Disclaimer:
Please disregard any horrible typos. I don't have time to proofread this one.....

------------------
Michelle

Jim, I guess there isn't much left to debate....we've pretty much beaten the whole issue to death...but I need to know something...would you plese give me an example of what you are talking about??? I don't think that I have ever used God as an excuse for a problem? Just gimmie an example of what you are talking about...I'm not quite sure I understand.




Jim...that's where you are wrong. I DO take it personally. I said so allready. I cannot help but take it personally. I look at your rejection of God , in part, as the worst insult that you could ever hit me with. I spoke with a good friend the other day, and he said something that stung just as bad asif he hadslapped me in the face...we were discussing people who go out of thier way to witness to people who seem like hopeless cases, and he shrugged his shoulders and said "Well, there is a time when you just have to give up and realize that some people are just never going to 'get it'." I just don't accept that as an answer, nor do I agree with it at all. Give up? Never! Did God ever give upon me?? NEVER! I ould havve been the first to tell you I was never gonna "get it". It's not that I didn't believe in God...its that I didn't KNOW Him. And since I didn't know Him I didn't care about Him. THAT is when I used Him as an excuse. I blamed Him for everything that went wrong. How could a loving God let me be beat by my mother and the father of my child? How could he let me get pregnant and leave my baby fatherless? How could He let people close to me die? How could a loving, merciful God let these things happen? Not that any of it had to do with the way I rebelled....not that any of it had to do with me...it was all God's fault. And now, that I know Him, I understand that some things that happen are a result of the choices we make, others are a result of choices others have made...there are things that happen that I don't understand, but I can no longer blame God.

I heard a story a couple weeks ago that mortified me. Sickened me, even. In one of the extremely poor countries (I honestly can't remember the name right now...I am exhausted, and my mind is not quite working) Mother Theresa opened a place called the "House of the Dying" where the workers would roam the streets finding people who looked near death and bring them into this enormous building to give them--some of them thier first ever--baths, feed them, and then let them die in peace. There was a section for people with aids, a section for people with tuburculosis...and so on. These people would come in, be there for a couple of days of comfort, and then die. One young man that went to work theretold a story of a time when he first began his volunteer work there. The senior workers there asked him to take out the trash...he did not understand whyno one else wanted to do so simple a task...it's just trash...and then he saw it. Large barrels lined with torn sheets, filled with feces, vomit, old food, body parts that had fallen off of those with skin diseases...and when he drug the sheet to the back of the building to throw it out, he nearly fainted. The stench was awful...but what was worse, was the fact that as he tossed the trash outside, there was a crowd of people waiting...for everyone knew it was trash day. nd trash day meant small scraps of left over food. They would dig through the vomit, through the human waste, and find the small scraps of food. The young man wanted to scream at them to stop! Didn't they know that this would make them deathly ill? But he realized that every single one of these people would eventually end up passing through the doors of the house of the dying. It was just a matter of time...
One day, he walked about a block and found a two year old child. He knew by looking at the girl that she did not have much longer to live...he brought her in, and laid her in a bed. She wailed and wailed day and night from the pain. He would lie in bed at night and pray that God would make the crying stop. He wanted so bad to give her something for the pain, but since they were not a hospital, they had limited supplies of pain medication, and only once in a while...this was not one of those times. Besides, there was only one syringe, and it had been used so many times that the needle was no longer sharp enough to tear through human flesh.
One night the agony in her cries became to much for him, and he took the child into the night and went to the local hospital to see if he could get her something for the pain. He asked the nurse how such a little one could be so sick, and she explained that fathers who had six and seven children would sell the oldest daughters in order to feed the rest of his family. He would sell them to men as a bride. The average age was 7 years old. Some were as young as 5. These men would sleep with so many different people, and eventually contract a disease. They believed that the disease was an evil spirit, and in order to rid themselves or cleanse thier body, they must sleep with a virgin. Since most girls over 5 were no longer virgins, they would take the youngest they could find. And this girl so happened to be one of those children who had been subjected to such an act...

Deeply distressed at hearing this, the young man pleaded with the nurse for something to ease the child's pain. She said that she would see what she could do, and left the man with the baby in his arms, wailing and convulsing. He fell asleep over the girl begging God to make the crying stop.
In the middle of the night, the nurse awoke him only to find the child dead hin his arms.

From then on, when the young man lay awake in his bed because of the cries of the inhabitants of the house of the dying, his prayer was that God would allow the crying to continue.


You see this world as it is, Jim. Full of pain and distress. Sorrow and agony. Things that make no sense. And, sadly, GOD sees this world the same way. HIs creation, turned against Him...and He could just end it all.

And would a merciful God not just end it all? Hurry up and put us out of our misery? Is that what you think that a merciful God would do? What do you expect Him to DO, JIM????? He gave us every opportunity to live right!!!

But we chose not to, and so the pain continues. But far worse than the pain here is the pain that eternity without Him will consist of. Eternal torment. And if He were to end this world right now, all of the people without Him would be forever damned. And so, out of mercy and kindness and a desire that one day YOU might understand that He really is who He says He is, HE IS WAITING FOR YOU, JIM!!!! And all the other you's out there! THAT'S what He is waiting on. That is why He will not yet hush the crying...that is why He tarries. He is waiting. Because once He decides that He can no longer wait, all of the jokes, and all of the "I did it my way's" and all of the "I rely on myself's" and the "I am my own salvations" and the cute little poems about being the master of your fate...they will end in the weeping and gnashing of teeth and a pain far greater than loosing a friend in a jump...and far greater than any pain YOU could fathom.

I care, Jim. I TAKE THAT PERSONALLY. I want to spend eternity with your soul, praising the one who created us!!!!!!!!!!! Don't you understand that???




Oh...I see....I suppose you don't understand.



------------------
Michelle

There passed a dream, quoth she a dream...
to wit, a weary time,
How strange each weary moment,
beheld the dream sublime...

And straight spake she, with heart and glee,
oh lord thou send us grace!
As if through a looking glass she peered,
her dreams and thoughts did race...

I fear thee crazy athiest,
of whom dropt dream did I,
Fear not, fear not, thou courageous one!
This dream now dropt no lie...

The many dreams, so beautiful!
And all with faith we die,
And a thousand thousand wonderful things
dream on; as well will I...

The moving moment, bereft...a dream,
And hearts nor love abide...
Softly she dreamt, and peaceful went,
with a friend or two beside...

O happy dreams of which I speak,
Their beauty doth declare...
of hope and faith, and from my heart,
of blessings I'm aware...

The body of the savior's son
Stands by me, knee to knee...
The body and I talk of our hope,
But he said nought words to me...

He holds me with his will and faith,
but belief in him I've not...
He casts aside my soul and hope,
portends my fears begot...

And now 'twas like a moment true,
Now like a lonely life...
And now it is an angel's song,
That guides my soul in strife...

A moment true but full of strife,
my fears begot quoth she...
O lord our savior, comfort him,
but he speaks no words to me...

And yet she helps, and comforts me,
with words of faith and love,
courage, belief, and open heart,
she accepts her god above...

But like an athiest I go,
and with my words resound,
and rush the thoughts into my head,
ideas do abound...

How long in sin I doth abide,
but hope I shall declare,
But 'ere my living life returns,
with voices in the air...

And speaketh them to me alone,
their words ring ever true,
what sayeth thou, with hope to me,
my faith, reborn...anew...





------------------
CRAZY STUBBORN ATHIEST!

Tis not thee I fear, oh athiest dear
Alas, doth my heart weep
For thy soul alone and long engulfed
In darkest waters deep.
Thy words and thoughts within me wrought
Such agony and sorrow
Thy harsh disdain for my Lord remains
As night fades into morrow.
Fear FOR thee, crazy athiest,
Fear for thy listless soul.
And tremble doth my weary heart
For ne'er could I control
Thy fate within my quiv'ring grasp
Nor could I make thee whole.
A dream a prayer, what hope lies there?
Are all my tears for naught?
What cometh of each salty drop?
What good hath they now wrought?
Ah, shall I faint into despair
Were not for One so true.
The One who stills my trembling heart
And maketh all things new.
Yes, hear me, crazy athiest.
And listen with great care.
Make haste to open up thine ears
And heed, now, if you dare.
For secrets soon shall be disclosed
As truths to set us free.
Although unseen to naked eye
Beside you now stands He.
And gently rapping at the door
Of thy ever hardened heart,
Stands He in naught but love for thee
Ne'er wishing to depart.
Tis not I, crazy athiest which stirs in thee a light
Not stalwart faith nor strength of mine,
Could stand firm through the night.
For all I offer up are words.
Such words are not my own.
It is the One who gives the words
Who longs so to be known.
Oh answer, now sir athiest
What in me dost thou see?
If love, then how? Through words...just words.
Pray tell, how could that be?
Wilt thou permit, I shall now strive
To answer one last time.
I offer explination
For what you believed was mine.
The Light in me thou mayest see
Which ever-present yet
Comes not from such a child as I
But One whom I have met.
A glimpse of Love through Heaven's eye
Warmth of the Saviour's breast
The Holy breath of God doth lie
Within my very chest.
What thou, dear athiest dost think
That what you see is me.
But without HIM, I exist not
So truely, HE is what you see...

Still as a non-believer
before your lord I stand,
Your words are cast, into the past...
I'm touched not by his hand...

If I may know to whom I speak
though the light may be so dim...
See, Oh, see! how graciously
She speaketh well of him...

Fly, Oh, fly! more high, more high!
when your belief and words are abated...
For slow and slow my mind lets go,
When I think how I'm created...

The pain, the curse, with which we live,
shall never pass away...
I cannot draw my eyes from yours,
Nor turn them up to pray...

And now thy speaketh once again,
on god, your faith, you lean...
I looked far out, but believeth not...
of what else I had seen...

Like one, that on a lonesome road
I walk in fear and dread...
And having once looked for belief,
I'll turn no more my head...

But soon there came a whisper,
of sound nor motion made...
her path was not to set me right...
nor speak of dues not paid...

With ferver and heart spake the voice,
she spake so softly too...
Sweetly, sweetly flowed the words,
To me she spake her view...

Her words of wisdom, spoken true...
Those whispers, offered prayer...
I turned my eyes upon sky,
Oh, Christ! what saw I there?

I saw not nothing, glow nor ghost,
heard not the believer's cheer...
My head then turned perforce away,
A god did not appear...

Under the sky the deep blue sky,
Nor words I deeper dread...
It reachs deep and splits my heart,
Nor truer words were said...

Upon the earth, where sank my soul,
my heart spins round and round...
And all was still, save who had spoke,
my heart begins to pound...

I pass, like night, through dark and light,
has she strange powers of speech..?
I listen well, in depths I fell,
to me, her tale, she'll teach...

What loud uproar bursts from the door,
The Athiest is there...
And hark the mighty church's bell,
Which biddeth me to prayer...

O Athiest! whos soul hath been
Alone, he cannot see...
So lonely 'twas, and emtpy was,
A heart 'nere seemed to be...

O sweeter than the whispering voice...
'Tis sweeter far to me',
To walk together, hand in hand...
Without god's company...

To walk together hand in hand,
Nor all together pray,
Both men and women, boys and girls,
as friends enjoy the day!

'For strange is my faith!' the athiest said,
I'll answer not your cheer...
I never saw the likes of god,
Nor liveth me in fear...

And the day is bright with silent light,
When in my life she came...
and many shapes, the shadows were,
I've but myself to blame...



------------------
CRAZY STUBBORN ATHIEST!

Impossible. Without Him there is NOTHING. Without Him, there is no me. No you. Nothing. It is impossible to be out of His company.



I feel like I need to explain something here. I do live in fear, but a different kind of fear than I think you speak of here. I will use the illustration I heard in a song: The fear that I live in is "not fear like a gun, but like the heat of the sun..
Let me explain. There are two different types of fear.
1. Terror
2. Respect

If someone pointed a gun in your face, you may not show it, and you may not be scared of death, persay, but you would be terrified if only for a brief second.

The heat of the sun is different. You need the sun in order to survive. Without the sun, none of us would exist. You have a healthy respect for the warmth that the sun gives off. Awed by it's beauty as it sets and rises....Needful of the light that it gives off. And yet you cannot get too close to the sun withouth being completely burned up. CONSUMED.

The fear that I live in is THAT type of fear. Respect for my creator. Awe at His beauty. Knowing that without Him, I would not exist. And frankly, not wanting to exist without Him, because I remember how cold and dark my world was before I met Him. And yet I know that I am unworthy of Him, and I am afraid to go too close to Him for fear that all that I am, all that I know...everything that I hoped to be will be completely consumed. And yet so desiring at the same time to be engulfed in the warmth of His love...

That is the type of fear that I live in.
When I say I fear for your soul, I mean the same type of fear. God is a Holy God, and more merciful than any of us could ever deserve. But once He decides enough is enough, there is no more second chances.

I fear for what will become of you if you do not listen to Him...

What happens when you go out into the sun frequently? You tan...And your skin gets used to the exposure over a period of time, and even though you are not immune to being burned, you are able to stay out in the sun for longer peroids of time without getting hurt...

What would happen if you locked yourself in a room with no light for20 years and then you walked outside in the middle of the summertime and laid down on the ground where the sun was shining directly on you all day? You would blister.

God says that one day, He will show himself, and EVERY KNEE will bow and every tongue will confess that He is Lord. And in that day, those who have allready confessed Him to be Lord and saviour of their lives will join Him. And those who have locked themselves in darkenss for their lives have sentanced themselves to die. Not just a physical death, but a spiritual death.

I know that all the words I say will never convince you. I have all but given up trying to reason with you. All I can do is pray for you and love you and never give up hope that one day you will understand what we are all trying to tell you.
I care too much to give up all together. I know that you don't understand that. But I want you to know that it is not me...It's not my nature that would spend all this time praying for you...talking to you...caring and crying for you. It's NOT MY NATURE. And nothing that I do or say is worthy of anythingwithout Him. NOTHING. Everything that I do and say has everything to do with HIM. You can't accept Him, you can never fully accept me. Because I can never just enjoy life and be merry and happy unless He is in my life. I can never just let the subject drop. He matters too much. And you matter too much...And I'm going to bed...

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Michelle